Alan Menken — Your Mother is a Whore

[GARETH] (spoken) Oi— you got a problem? [PEASANT 1] (spoken) Nonono, your highness! [MADELENA] (spoken) Well, you should! Gareth here just called your mother a whore! [GARETH] (spoken) No, I... I did! (sung) She's a whore [PEASANT 1] Yup! [GARETH] A whore [PEASANT 1] Sure! [GARETH] Your mother is a whore! [PEASANT 1] She's the biggest freaking whore you've ever seen, before! PEASANT 1'S MOTHER: Yes it's so! [GARETH] What? [PEASANT 1'S MOTHER] Hello! I'm his mother! [PEASANT 1] And a ho! [PEASANT 1'S MOTHER] If your grace would have a go, just say the word! [GARETH] God! No! [PEASANT 2] Mine's a tramp and a harlot to the nth degree! [PEASANT 3] God forgive me my son but she'll put out for free! [PEASANT 1] Mines a slag! [PEASANT 2] Mines a wench! [PEASANT 3] Mine is both, and also French! [PEASANTS] She's a whore, God save the king! [GARETH] (spoken) There's got to be someone here who I can insult! Someone? Anyone? [MADELENA] (spoken) Oooh, him! [PEASANT 4] She's a *bleep*! [GARETH] What? [PEASANT 4] A *bleep*! [MADELENA] Eww! [PEASANT 4] My mother is a *bleep* you! Your highness might have *bleep* like the *bleep* in! [PEASANT 4] Mine will *bleep*! I don't kid! Loves to *bleep* and always did! [MADELENA] Gross! [GARETH] You kiss her with that mouth? [PEASANT 4] No, that's an extra quid! [GARETH] Well your grandma— [PEASANT 4] A *bleep**bleep* from way back when! [GARETH] And your aunt? [PEASANT 4] She's a nun before she *bleep*s amen! [PEASANTS] And our wives? Total skanks of the very lowest ranks [PEASANT 1] Plus my dad is a whore! [PEASANTS] God save the king! [MADELENA] (spoken) I don't believe this! [GARETH] (spoken) Quick! The door! Fresh meat! [GARETH] Your mother is a *bleep*-ful and a *bleep* and *bleep* [PEASANT 5] Yes, I think she goes *bleep* until she *bleep* and *bleep*! [MADELENA] Ecch! [GARETH] Your mother goes *bleep* a *bleep*-ing all over the place! [PEASANT 5] Yes, she *bleep* *bleep* and *bleep* *bleep*, your grace! [GARETH] She's your mother *bleep**bleep*! [PEASANT 5] Sure, she loves to *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*! Wait, and then she *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* Up until she *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* [GARETH] Nooooo! [PEASANT 5] Yes, and then she *bleeeeeeeeeep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleeeeeeeep* [GARETH] So-- [PEASANT 5] Wait, she also *bleeeeeeeeeep* [GARETH] Just... wow! [PEASANTS] So they're whores! Filthy whores! All our mothers dirty whores! No one's sluttier or smuttier! [PEASANT 1] Well, maybe yours! [PEASANTS] Utter tarts! Off the charts! [PEASANT 5] I left out the sickest parts! [PEASANTS] And we mean it from the bottom of our loyal hearts! Though I love my dear mama more than anything! Lord above, we can't disagree with you, our king! Though they're bores, she's a whore! [PEASANT 1'S MOTHER] Wait, I'm actually a whore! [PEASANTS] What's more You terrify us to the core! So one more drink and out the door! God save the king! [MADELENA] (spoken) This is a disaster!