Andrew Lloyd Webber — I Hope You Like It Here

Scene: "Parlour Games" (Limmeridge  House. The morning room - light and summery. Marian Halcombe is there. She is in her 30’s - dark, vivacious and attractive although not conventionally pretty. Hartright enters, tired after the night’s exertions. Marian shakes his hand) [HARTRIGHT] You  must be Miss Halcombe, I am so sorry- [MARIAN] Thank God you have arrived! You're fated to become My  drawing teacher You  poor, poor creature! Our village is as dull As  it may first appear A city mouse in Limmeridge House I hope you like it here You’re less than half the age That  we thought you might be You’ll feed our hunger For someone younger So please unpack your bags And please be of good cheer I’m sure you’ll like where you reside But with respect, I must confide I can’t abide the Countryside I hope you like it here! [HARTRIGHT] I'm sure I shall- [MARIAN] You will be the drawing master To my sister and to me Though she learns a little faster A disaster I will be We’re the product of one mother But we come from diff’rent fathers I think mine, for design Was completely talent free Very soon, you'll meet my sister Well, she's technically my half But she's my whole world, my sister Is the wheat, and I'm the chaff She’s kind and generous and fun Much younger, and the pretty one My father was quite poor Her father’s wealth was vast So she’ll inherit And gladly share it We’re close as two can get Between us not one tear Perpetually in harmony I hope you like it here Pretty soon you’ll meet my uncle Whose prognosis is quite grim He will tell you that his chances Of recovery are slim With his bed pan and his hanky He is terminally cranky (Though no doctor around's Found a thing that’s wrong with him) But how I do go on! I try to keep it short Then lose the battle And simply prattle My welcome is sincere We’re thrilled, that’s indisputable I hope your rooms are suitable Your sentence is commutable I hope you’ll like it here! Scene: "A Servant Arrives and Escorts Hartright to Mr. Fairlie's Dark Study" (Mr. Fairlie sits beside a portrait of his brother, Philip Fairlie. Mr. Fairlie is in his fifties but looks older; he is frail, morose, pale, crabby, wheelchair-bound) [SERVANT] Mr. Walter Hartright [HARTRIGHT] Mr. Fairlie! (Mr. Fairlie looks Hartright up and down) [MR. FAIRLIE] You’re younger than I thought The young are mostly fools The good time ceases When with my nieces [HARTRIGHT] Yes, I just met- [Mr. FAIRLIE] Just go about your task And try to disappear (To the servant) Don’t lurk about, you oafish lout! (To Hartright) I trust you’ll like it here (He gestures to the portrait) That’s a portrait of my brother Was the picture of good health Now he's dead, and I am dying While I'm living on his wealth Up until he left for Hades He was catnip to the ladies But at least the deceased Had a modicum of stealth Well, enough about my family (To servant) Would you please adjust my chair? (to Hartright) I should send you back to ripen Like a proper Camembert Though I should find some other chap I'd much prefer to take a nap (To servant who reappears) I told you to get out! I simply can’t go on! My nerves are fraying... What was I saying? Oh - mostly I desire A quiet atmosphere As silent as a sepulchre No utterance above a purr [HARTRIGHT] May I just- [MR. FAIRLIE] Just nod your head if you concur I trust you'll like it here Scene: "Hartright Meets Laura" (Limmeridge House. The conservatory. Later the same morning. Laura is sitting, playing the piano. She is twenty-one, exquisitely beautiful, fair, and she bears a striking resemblance to the woman in white.) (Hartright enters. He looks at Laura) [HARTRIGHT] (softly) My God... (Laura is startled and stops playing) [HARTRIGHT] You must be Miss Fairlie? I am Walter Hartright Forgive me if I scared you [LAURA] Not at all! Welcome! You're a very nice surprise! (They look at each other. They smile. Marian enters)