Andrew Lloyd Webber — Poor Fool He Makes Me Laugh/Il Muto

[CONFIDANTE] They say that this youth has set my Lady's heart aflame! [1st FOP] His Lordship, sure, would die of shock [2nd FOP] His Lordship is a laughingstock! [CONFIDANTE] Should he suspect her, God protect her! [ALL THREE] Shame! Shame! Shame! This faithless lady's bound for Hades! Shame! Shame! Shame! [CARLOTTA as Countess] Serafimo—your disguise is perfect [A knock at the door] Why, who can this be? [DON ATTILIO] Gentle wife, admit your loving husband My love—I am called to England on affairs of State And must leave you with your new maid (spoken aside) Though I would happily take the maid with me [COUNTESS, spoken aside] The old fool is leaving! (sung) Serafimo—away with this pretence! You cannot speak—but kiss me in my husband's absence! Poor fool, he makes me laugh! Hahahahahaha... Time I tried to get a better better half! [COUNTESS & ENSEMBLE] Poor fool, he doesn't know! Hohohohohoho... If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go! [PHANTOM'S VOICE, spoken] Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty? [MEG, spoken (backstage)] He's here: the Phantom of the Opera [CHRISTINE, spoken] It's him [CARLOTTA, spoken] Your part is silent, little toad! [PHANTOM, spoken] A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you who are the toad... [CARLOTTA as Countess] Serafimo, away with this pretence! You cannot speak, but kiss me in my—! [CARLOTTA croaks] Poor fool, he makes me laugh Hahahahaha! Haha— [CARLOTTA croaks repeatedly] [CARLOTTA, spoken] Mother! [?] [FIRMIN, spoken] Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize. The performance will continue in ten minutes' time... when the role of the Countess will be played by Miss Daaé. Thank you [ANDRE, spoken] Meanwhile, we'd like to give you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera [Instrumental interlude] [Screams] [RAOUL, spoken] Are you alright? [CHRISTINE, spoken] Raoul, we're not safe here [FIRMIN, spoken] Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do not panic. It's simply an accident... an accident...