Barbra Streisand — Nobody Makes a Pass at Me

I want men that I can please That I can squeeze, that I can tease Two or three, or four, or more What are those fools waiting for? I want love and I want kissing I want more of what I'm missing Nobody comes knocking at my front door What do they think my knocker's for? If they don't come soon there won't be any more What can the matter be? I wash my clothes with Lux, my etiquette's the best I spend my hard-earned bucks on just what the ads suggest Oh dear, what can the matter be? Nobody makes a pass at me! I'm full of Kellogg's bran, I eat Grapе Nuts on the sly The date is on thе can of coffee that I buy Oh dear, what can the matter be? Nobody makes a pass at me! Oh Beatrice Fairfax, give me the bare facts How do you make them fall? If you don't save me the things the Lord gave me Never will be any use to me at all I sprinkle on a dash of Fragrance de Amour The ads say "Makes Men Rash" but I guess their smell is poor Oh dear, what can the matter be? Nobody makes a pass at me! I use Ovaltine and Listerine Barbasol and Musterole Lifebuoy soap and Flit So why ain't I got it? I use Coca Cola and Marmola Crisco, Lesco and Mazola Ex-Lax and Vapex So why ain't I got sex? I use Albolene and Maybelline Alka-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer Odo-Ro-No and Sensation So why ain't I got fascination? My girdles come from Best The Times ads say they're chic And up above I'm dressed In the brassiere of the week Oh dear, what can the matter be? Nobody makes a pass at me! I use Pond's on my skin With Rye-Krisp I have thinned I get my culture in I began 'Gone with The Wind' Oh dear, what can the matter be? Nobody makes a pass at me! Oh Dorothy Dix, please Show me some tricks, please I want some men to hold I want attention And things I can't mention And I want them all before I get too old I use Mum every day and Angelus Lip Lure But still men stay away Just like Ivory Soap I'm 99 and 44 One hundred percent pure! What can the matter be? Nobody makes a pass at me! I don't know Oh dear