Barry Louis Polisar — He Eats Asparagus Why Cant You Be That Way?

Whenever I am naughty, whenever I am bad Whenever I do something that makes my parents mad Like the time I bit the mailman or left stuff on the floor My parent's say, "Why can't you be like the boy who lives next door?" He always makes his bed and he always eats his food He likes his itty, bitty sister and he's never ever rude And when I don't eat what's on my plate, my parents both will say "He Eats Asparagus, why can't you be that way?" He is never dirty, he always takes a bath He loves to do his homework too, especially math At school he is an angel, he always sits up straight He's always very helpul and he never comes in late He always says, "I'm sorry," "Excuse me," "Thank you," "Please," He always dresses nicely, not like me He's never spilt his milk, lost a glove or slammed a door Stuck out his tongue or giggled in school or left things on the floor He goes to bed at nine each night and brushes all his teeth And Mommy wishes I was him and that he was me I've never even seen him burp, he does what he is told But the boy next door is thirty four years old