Bernadette Peters — Your Fault / Last Midnight

Your Fault [BAKER, spoken] It's because of you there's a giant in our midst, and my wife is dead! [JACK, sung] But it isn't my fault I was given those beans! You persuaded me to trade away my cow for beans! And without those beans, there'd have been no stalk To get up to the giant in the first place! [BAKER, sung] Wait a minute, magic beans for a cow so old That you had to tell a lie to sell it, which you told! Were they worthless beans? Were they oversold? Oh, and tell us who persuaded you to steal that gold! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (to Jack)] See, it's your fault [JACK] No! [BAKER] So it's your fault… [JACK] No! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] Yes, it is! [JACK] It's not! [BAKER] It's true [JACK] Wait a minute, though— I only stole the gold to get my cow back From you! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (to Baker)]: So it's your fault! [JACK] Yes! [BAKER] No, it isn't! I'd have kept those beans, but our house was cursed She made us get a cow to get the curse reversed! [WITCH] It's your father's fault that the curse got placed And the place got cursed in the first place! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] Oh. Then it's his fault! [WITCH] So [CINDERELLA] It was his fault… [JACK] No [BAKER] Yes, it is, it's his [CINDERELLA] I guess… [JACK] Wait a minute, though— I chopped down the beanstalk, right? That's clear But without any beanstalk, then what's queer Is how did the second giant get down here In the first place? Second place…? [CINDERELLA] Yes! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] How? [BAKER] Hmm… [JACK] Well, who had the other bean? [BAKER] The other bean? [CINDERELLA] The other bean? [JACK (to Baker)]: You pocketed the other bean [BAKER] I didn't! Yes, I did [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] So it's your—! [BAKER] No, it isn't, 'cause I gave it to my wife! [LRRH] So it's her—! [BAKER] NO, IT ISN'T! [CINDERELLA] Then whose is it? [BAKER] Wait a minute! (to Cinderella) She exchanged that bean to obtain your shoe So the one who knows what happened to the bean is you! [CINDERELLA] You mean that old bean— that your wife—? Oh, dear— [as they all look at her] But I never knew, and so I threw— Well, don't look here! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] So it's your fault! [CINDERELLA] But— [JACK] See, it's her fault— [CINDERELLA] But— [JACK] And it isn't mine at all! [BAKER (to Cinderella)]: But what? [CINDERELLA (to Jack)]: Well, if you hadn't gone back up again— [JACK] We were needy— [CINDERELLA] You were greedy! Did you need that hen? [JACK] But I got it for my mother! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] So it's her fault then! [CINDERELLA] Yes, and what about the harp in the third place? [BAKER] The harp—yes! [JACK (referring to LRRH)]: She went and dared me to! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] I dared you to? [JACK] You dared me to! (to the others) She said that I was scared to She dared me! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] No, I didn't! [BAKER, CINDERELLA, JACK] So it's your fault! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD] Wait a minute—! [CINDERELLA] If you hadn't dared him to— [BAKER (to Jack)] And you had left the harp alone We wouldn't be in trouble in the first place! [LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD (to Cinderella, over)]: Well, if you hadn't thrown away the bean In the first place—! It was your fault! [CINDERELLA (referring to Witch)]: Well, if she hadn't raised them in the first place! [JACK (over, to Witch)] Yes, if you hadn't raised them in the first place! [LRRH, BAKER (to Witch)] Right! It's you who raised them in the first place! [CINDERELLA (simultaneously)] You raised the beans in the first place! [JACK] It's YOUR fault! [CINDERELLA, JACK, LRRH, BAKER] You're responsible! You're the one to blame! It's your fault! [WITCH] Shhhh!     Last Midnight [WITCH] It's the last midnight It's the last wish It's the last midnight Soon it will be boom squish! Told a little lie, stole a little gold, broke a little vow Did you? Had to get your Prince, had to get your cow Have to get your wish, doesn't matter how Anyway, it doesn't matter now It's the last midnight It's the boom splat! Nothing but a vast midnight Everybody smashed flat! Nothing we can do? Not exactly true We can always give her the boy No? No, of course, what really matters is the blame Somebody to blame Fine, if that's the thing you enjoy, placing the blame If that's the aim, give me the blame Just give me the boy [CINDERELLA, JACK, LRRH, BAKER, spoken] No! [WITCH] No? You're so nice You're not good, you're not bad You're just nice I'm not good, I'm not nice I'm just right I'm the witch You're the world I'm the hitch, I'm what no one believes I'm the witch You're all liars and thieves Like his father! Like his son will be too! Oh, why bother? You'll just do what you do! It's the last midnight So goodbye, all Coming at you fast, midnight Soon you'll see the sky fall! Here, you want a bean? Have another bean Beans were made for making you rich! Plant them and they soar Here, you want some more? Listen to the roar Giants by the score Oh well, you can blame another witch It's the last midnight It's the last verse Now, before it's past midnight I'm leaving you my last curse: I'm leaving you alone You can tend the garden, it's yours Separate and alone Everybody down on all fours All right, Mother, when? Lost the beans again! Punish me the way you did then! Give me claws and a hunch Just away from this bunch And the gloom And the doom And the boom Crunch!