Bette Midler — Comic Relief

Oh God, Oh God, life is real life Is when you wanna sing Polly-Wally-Doodle all the day Well you know, I may well be a sequel to Jaws In which a shark is attacked by a great white woman Actually I'm not going to do the sequel to Jaws at all I'm making the sequel to 'Emanuelle' I call it 'Temple Emanuelle'. Actually it's not dirty at all It's just a lot of kissing and mezzuzas And er, one singular sub-plot In which a woman who has an un-natural relationship with a Kreplach I know there must be one or two of you out there Who haven't got the vaguest idea what the hell is a Kreplach And to both of you I say... A Kreplach is a person from Kreplachia Which is a very small fishing nation wedged between Estonia and Latvia You don't hear from them too much since the iron curtain fell! But every now and again, one or two Kreplach's manage to escape... But NEVER to Cleveland! [Audience Member:] YES! [Audeince Member:] Not True! What!? There we have one Kreplach Who one Kreplach that managed to get to Cleveland! In fact, I venture to say that was the Kreplach that ate Cleveland! [Audience Member:] Are you sure!? No, Belle Barth used to say: 'Shut your hole honey, mines making money!' [Audience Member:] OH! Ooh, she didn't say that! I never said that I didn't say that I never said that! Oh did you hear the news!? You haven't heard the news I must tell you the news I am the harbinger of news here I slept with Jack kennedy [Bette Laughs] You wanna know what else!? They slept with Jack Kennedy! [Points to the Harlette's] Talk about your "Bay of Pigs"! Really Oh, I'm sorry Girls Oh my God Oh God Oh God Alright Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Alright Alright Alright! Please forgive me everyone! Please forgive me! Just a little yolk Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!