C.W. McCall — Crispy Critters

One day about four or five years ago We is settin' at the Conoco station Kickin' tires, and swattin' flies And discussin' the State of the Union When right out in front of the Baptist church Come a big ol' purple school bus Had astrological signs upon it And thirty-five hippies and dogs inside About half of 'em went for the courthouse lawn And them dogs commenced on the fireplug Rest of 'em set there starin' at us And I says, "Roy, go get your Flit gun" He says, "Which is the hippies? And which is the dogs?" I says, "Beats the hell outta me, Roy." What they was, was a bunch a' them Crispy Critters And their leader was a space cadet He says, "Sagittarius, we has arrived Prepare to disembark, men Get the incense goin' and the sitar out We gonna camp in the city park, man." I says, "Boys, let me explain the situation to ya A: you're gettin' me down And B: we got us a leash law here And C: you in the wrong town You drop one string a' beads in that there park And you gonna see a whole lotta stars You got fifteen seconds to get out of town, boys Or we gonna blow ya ta Mars." Well, they all got back in the purple bus And proceeded to the city limits Then the telephone rang, was the swimmin' pool Says a mess a' wild Critters was in it! So we all got in the Marshal's Plymouth (Which is always at the Conoco station) Went flashin' on down to the swimmin' pool To give them Critters a citation By the time we arrived, it was too damn late Them critters is all had their pants down Them dogs was tearin' the bathhouse apart And they's after the fish in the fish pond! I says, "Roy, you get the one in the silver T-shirt "And I'll get the rest with a net We gonna have a jail full a' naked Crispy Critters And a drip-dry space cadet." Well, we gave 'em hell, but we lost the war 'Cause them Critters outnumbered us So they moved in and set up camp And they lived in that purple school bus Six weeks later, there was nothin' in town But eighty-four dogs and a head shop Sellin' dried up weeds, and sunflower seeds And astrological postcards Yeah, Critters took over the City Council And the dogs all barked their brains out And the whole damn town was Crispy Critters And the mayor was a space cadet