Canibus — 100 Bars

[Intro: Canibus] Yeah! That's the beat right there I'm about to black out With a hundred bars on some professional shit So don't try this at home, yo Yo, yo, yo [Verse 1] My style of rhymin' is ancient like Aztecs and Mayans Because I recognize it's all about timin' Me and my freestyle alliance practicin' African voodoo science In front of twenty-foot bonfires Lookin' skyward, calculatin' May 5, 2000 The nine planets'll be in alignment The arrival of the prophet in the cockpit Of a starship the size of the Hale-Bopp comet With mercury ion rockets And a big-ass "Canibus Comin' Soon" poster on the side of it I'm known geographically and intergalactically That's why I got extraterrestrials that wanna battle me They even tried kidnappin' me, and they would've snatched me If their craft didn't get trapped in the Earth's gravity Engines stalled and failed, crashed into a farmer's field And that's really what caused Roswell Undercover operatives workin' for COM 12 Disguised as a nigga signed with a record deal Lyrically, I'm off-scale, so all hail Or get tossed towards Hell, whatever y'all feel Bruisin' niggas, confusin' niggas like Chip Fu from the Fu-Schnickens Hit you with nuclear cruiser missiles Hear the wild wolf growl Styles stockpiled for miles from the ground to the clouds Wack niggas wanna be down, but it's not allowed Interrupt the cipher unannounced And you'll get punched in the mouth With the southpaw southern fist I'll bust your shit, swell your lip bigger than Bubba Shrimp For actin' tough and shit, what a wimp You giant Goliath niggas get shot with a rubber sling I'm an experiment gone bad My brainwaves on an encephalograph Show that I'm stark ravin' mad Your whole scientific staff'll get killed in a nuclear blast When I throw the Florence flask in my hand Flammable liquids in the lab explode And you get stabbed with all the flyin' glass Trained to blow up commercial aircraft Trained in chemical weapons class Just to see how long a nigga's breath'll last I put him in a leather mask, spray his ass with a can of pepper gas Then watch him grab his neck and gag Watch the nigga choke to death as I laugh "You wanna battle?" is the type of question you should never ask Nigga, pick a tougher task, see who the fuck'll last Whoever lose'll get a solderin' iron up the ass You need to recognize, my hand is quicker than the eye Quicker than the five-speed Jamiroquai drives A lifespan longer than nine lives, infinite rhymes that can't die A nigga with a divine mind I dedicate this to the wise, dedicate it to dimes Dividin' myself into hundred ten times You can't deny the offerings I offer Flows that glow with auroras that sparkle like water Fly like a saucer with the torque of a Porsche Murder a million MC's, then autograph all of their coffins Been gettin' it on since I been born and I'mma live long And I'mma be gettin' it on 'til I'm gone Look at all the stages I been on, all the songs that I spit on I took an oath to rip everythin' I get on A nigga like me should have Carpal Tunnel syndrome In the wrist bones from grippin' microphones this long I'm just a small fish in a big pond That gets pissed off, whenever I get picked on Nigga, try to flip and get flipped on! My army march a million strong Like the Nation of Islam with suede Timbs on Extremely hostile Fully armed troops dressed in frog suits and night vision goggles A lyrical lynch mob shittin' on niggas Drawn to a hideous form with horns and a mink on Duckin' down low like we in 'Nam fightin' the Viet Cong Screamin' "Incoming!" when I see a bomb Speak to your leader, surrender your arms You need about a million more soldiers to even the odds Plus 800,000 to even consider a war And 200,000 more to even look hard You better drop your flag and withdraw My cavalry charge accompanied by a blizzard of wicked metaphors And smash y'all, attach y'all to the back of my horse And drag y'all across the motherfuckin' asphalt Nine out of ten niggas is frauds; you know who you are Always talkin' about your bitches and your cars Your jewelry and your girls, it's like we from two different worlds You motherfuckers really get on my nerves 'Cause I'm beyond 'em, on some futuristic cyborg shit I close my eyes when I freestyle So I could read what prints across them Then raise my arms like a sorcerer And cast a fireball into the audience To barbecue your brain organs You feel like you've been thrown in a microwave oven I flame broil suckers then hit 'em with some more shit, the raw shit Call my reinforcements, the Four Horsemen Take a big piece of chalk and draw a line across the stage pulpit I dare a motherfucker to cross it! I'll even call my man Black Rob at two in the mornin' Tell him it's important Tell him to call Sting three-way and sing a chorus Break your camcorders, so you motherfuckers can't record it Call the news, I'll kill your reporters Start a lawsuit, I'll kill your lawyers Fuck the soft shit and fuck what y'all think! My album's gold 'cause my album was the bomb shit Y'all niggas got your ass beat 'cause you asked for it Got your picture taken and put in a tabloid 'Cause you a man and you like to touch little boys You fuck 'em in the ass, then you give 'em cash for it That's some sick shit, homeboy A hundred years ago, they'd have took you to see Sigmund Freud You fraudulent, feminine, fragile as a feather is With an effortless blow, I'll crack your whole skeleton You think you better than Canibus? Where's the evidence? You got below average intelligence and poor penmanship You need to shut the fuck up 'cause your breath stink Take fifty cents and purchase a pack of peppermints Battlin' me, you never win You thought you was the only nigga that could sneak a weapon in? Nigga, guess again 'Cause after I'm finished wreckin' this shit I'mma drink a whole bottle of Henny and go fuck a lesbian