Danny Kaye — Tchaikovsky and Other Russians

[RINGMASTER] Ladies and gentlemen, I take pride in introducing The Greatest Show on Earth Liza Elliott's gargantuan three-ring circus Featuring for the first time The captivating and tantalizing Liza Elliott The woman who cannot make up her mind! (spoken) Order in the courtroom. Ah, the charges against Liza Elliott (sung) Whereas [ENSEMBLE] Whereas [RINGMASTER] Liza Elliott cannot make up her mind About the Easter cover or the circus cover Secundus [ENSEMBLE] Secundus [RINGMASTER] Liza Elliott cannot make up her mind Whether she is marrying Kendall Nesbitt or not Moreover [ENSEMBLE] Moreover [RINGMASTER] Liza Elliott cannot make up her mind As to the kind of woman she wants to be The executive or the enchantress And in as much as [ENSEMBLE] In as much as [RINGMASTER] In a world where tumult and turmoil reign These indecisions of Liza Elliott only add to the confusions Of an already, as indicated, confused world Therefore be it resolved [ENSEMBLE] Be it resolved [RINGMASTER] That Liza Elliott be brought to trial And be made to make up her mind [ENSEMBLE] Yay! [RINGMASTER, spoken] I should like to introduce that peerless witness, Kendall Nesbitt [ENSEMBLE] Yay! [RINGMASTER, spoken] Mr. Nesbitt, you are divorcing your wife so you can be free to marry the defendant, isn't that so? [NESBITT, spoken] Yes sir.  [RINGMASTER, spoken] You were led to believe the defendant would marry you when, as, and if.  [NESBITT, spoken] Yes sir.  [RINGMASTER, spoken] But now she refuses to make up her mind.  [NESBITT, spoken] Yes sir! [RINGMASTER, spoken] You gave her the best years of your life and yet she refuses to be your wife! [NESBITT, spoken] Yes sir! [RINGMASTER] He gave her the best years of his life She was, shall we call it, his mistress? 'Twas only for her he's divorcing his wife And now the man's in a distress The mister who once was the master of two Would make of his mistress his Mrs But he's missed out on Mrs. for the mistress is through What a mess of a mish mash this is (spoken) Ha ha ha! You know, I like that music. Who wrote it? [ENSEMBLE, spoken] Tchaikovsky! [RINGMASTER, spoken] Tchaikovsky? I love Russian composers (sung) There's Maliszewski, Rubinstein, Arensky, and Tchaikovsky Sapellnikoff, Dmitriev, Tcherepnin, Kryzhanovsky Godowsky, Artsybushev, Moniuszko, Akimenko Soloviev, Prokofiev, Tiomkin, Koreshchenko There's Glinka, Winkler, Bortniansky, Rebikov, Ilyinsky There's Medtner, Balakirev, Zolotarev and Khvoshchinsky And Sokolov and Kopylov, Dukelsky and Klenovsky And Shostakovich, Borodin, Glière, and Nowakowsky There's Lyadov and Karganoff, Markevitch, Panchenko And Dargomyzhsky, Shcherbachov, Scriabin, Vasilenko Stravinsky, Rimsky-Korsakov, Mussorgsky, and Gretchaninov And Glazunov and César Cui, Kalinnikov, Rachmaninoff Stravinsky and Gretchaninov Rumshinsky and Rachmaninoff I really have to stop because we all have undergone enough! [ENSEMBLE] Stravinsky! [RINGMASTER] Gretchaninov! [ENSEMBLE] Rumshinsky! [RINGMASTER] Rachmaninoff! [RINGMASTER & ENSEMBLE] I'd (He'd) better stop because we feel We all have undergone enough!