Del The Funky Homosapien — If You Must

[Verse 1] It's important to practice good hygiene At least if you wanna run with my team I'm 'bout to get into some shit that I've seen This fool's breath hummin' so bad it'll melt your ice cream They say don't say nothing if you can't say nice things Sittin' too close to him on BART, like my eyes sting I try to be subtle, hand him a stick of gum I was a victim of breath on hum Running his yap about what sets he from Gotta get some gum, gotta gets him some He turned it down, his teeth was brown Excruciating, foreign, it was a new sensation I had to ask the dope to pass the soap 'Cause his coat had the stench of crustaceans Or bathrooms in a bus station He had a can of Olde E and some raisins Amazing... head to toe B.O He didn't know, used to the fragrance 'Cause as the days went without bathing He felt manly and not like a maiden He had one dread, and fungus Said he worked on peoples' toilets with plungers Girls, not the guy you would want to tongue ya So guys take your cue from this little number [Hook] You gotta wash your ass, if you must You gotta wash your hair, if you must You gotta brush your teeth, if you must Or else you'll be funky You gotta wash your ass, if you must You gotta wash your hair, if you must You gotta brush your teeth, if you must Or else you'll be funky *scratching* "To wash up" [Verse 2] Now in class you need total concentration But there's kids in the back holding conversations Crackin' on each other, and neither were poster boys Both of 'em smell like the type that soap avoid Coast enjoyed a leave of absence One's fool's feet smelled like it struck some matchsticks Brimstone, girls would never bring him home I was laughin', then his friend raised his tone And said, "Bud, you earled all over yourself," yeah I go so deep on your ass, you'll be submerged Like you need to do in water 'cause you smell like a turd Wanna cap? Get some courage, your feet smell lurid Go look it up, and while you're at it, get a cup And squeeze the sweat out your sweatshirt and drink it or gargle You get our vote for most stinkiest That nigga started thinkin' of shit, said I was frail I said he was stale, underarms is ripe Undergarments tight, about to leap out your holey sweats And we holdin' bets, and after this I'm gonna collect Nigga check, yourself, respect yourself And wash your mothafuckin body 'fore your sweatshirt melt Like radioactive, no lady find you attractive The funk got you captive You don't need a map, bitch [Hook] You gotta wash your ass, if you must You gotta wash your hair, if you must You gotta brush your teeth, if you must Or else you'll be funky *scratching* "To wash up" You gotta wash your ass, if you must You gotta wash your hair, if you must You gotta brush your teeth, if you must Or else you'll be funky *scratching* "To wash up" *scratching* "Had some soap on my face"