Elvis Costello — Hetty O’Hara Confidential

[Verse 1] Hetty said, "If you ask me nicely I'll write you up well, don't tell me twice Or quote you directly or pay the price I'll peel off your skin like a thin veneer If something tells me something that I didn't hear from you" [Refrain] Who's got the dope? Who's got the potential? Hetty O'Hara Confidential [Verse 2] Those were different days Those were different drugs From a gold-plated palace with the half-mast flags To a chalk lined body that was full of slugs She was trading favors for footnote plugs Who's got the needlе? Who is fit to burst? A morphine tattoo, an unquenchable thirst Who's got your girlfriend? And who had her first? [Refrain] Reading her column was essential Hetty O'Hara Confidential [Bridge 1] She could kill a man with a single stroke She is not the one you want to provoke If you can't take the heat or you can't take a joke [Refrain] Who's got the dope? Who's got the potential? Hetty O'Hara Confidential [Verse 3] If there was a gentleman caller to a comely wench And a snooping peeper in a coat of trench She'd place a line or two at the foot of the page A cue or a clue to the latest rage With your true dimensions and your actual age Trade a life of scandal for a career on the stage [Refrain] These little things seem inconsequential Except to Hetty O'Hara Confidential [Verse 4] On the night he came home from the debutante ball Passed out drunk on the bathroom floor Call-girl called after taking a peek At the secret drawer of atomic secrets Repeating something that I whispered about They have to take it but they can't dish it out [Bridge 2] Who's cleaning up his act and breaking the bank? But unfortunately didn't remember to thank me But now the rumor is doing the rounds That his only friends are villains and scoundrels [Verse 5] Her reputation curled like yellow smoke She named the wrong man in the story she broke She had an unfortunate character trait The irresistible impulse to assassinate [Refrain] But the damage it did was quite substantial to Hetty O'Hara Confidential [Verse 6] They've got witch trials now with witches to spare And a jukebox jury full of judgement and fury With bright neon dresses and porn star hair She was thrown to the wolves and the dogs and the foxes Once they'd had their fill of shares and stocks Their gaze is unforgiving if your morals are lax Pointing manicured fingers and making a mockery With voices that sound like broken crockery Hetty said, "I'm powerless and I feel alone Now everyone has a megaphone" [Refrain] Who's got the dope? Who's got the potential? Hetty O'Hara Confidential