Elvis Costello — The Night Before Larry Was Stretched

[Verse] Oh, the night before Larry was stretched Well, the boys they all paid him a visit A bit in their sacks too they fetched For they sweated their duds till they riz it For Larry was always the lad When a boy was condemned to the squeezer Would fence all the duds that he had For to help his poor friend to a sneezer And warm his ol' gob 'fore he died Well, the boys they came crowding in fast And they threw all their stools 'round about him Six glims round his trap-case was placed For he couldn't be well-waked without them When one of them asked, could he die Without having duly repented Said Larry, "That's all in me eye And first by the clergy invented For to get a fat bit for themselves Oh, and I'll be cut up like a pie And my nob from my body be parted You're in the wrong box, then, says I For blast me if they're so hard-hearted A chalk on the back of your neck Is all that Jack Catch dares to give you Then mind not such trifle's a feck Oh why should the likes of them grieve you And now boys, come tip us the deck Well, the cards being called for they played Until Larry found one of them cheated A dart for his napper he made For the boy he'd been easily heated Oh, be the hokey! You thief I'll scuttle your nob with me daddle You cheat me because I'm in grief Ah, but soon I'll demolish your noddle And leave you your claret to drink Then the clergy came in with his book And he spoke him so smooth and so civil Larry tipped him a Kilmainham wink And he pitched his big wig to the devil Then sighing, he threw back his head For to get a sweet drop of the bottle And pitiful sighing, he said Oh, the hemp 'twill be soon 'round me throttle And choke me poor windpipe to death Oh, then sure it's the best way to die Oh, the devil a better a-living For now when the gallows is high Then our journey is shorter to heaven But what harasses Larry the most And makes his soul poor melancholy Is he thinks of the time when his ghost It will come in a sheet to Sweet Molly Oh sure, it'll kill her alive So moving, these last words he spoke We all vented our tears in a shower For me own part I thought me heart broke For to see him cut down like a flower On his travels we watched him next day The throttler I thought I could kill him But Larry not one word did say Nor change till he come to King William Then musha, his color grew white When he came to the old nubbing chit He was tucked up so neat and so pretty The rumbler jogged off from his feet And he died with his face to the city He kicked too, but that was all pride For soon you might see 'twas all over Soon after the noose was untied In darkness we waked him in clover And sent him to take his ground sweat Oh, the night before Larry was stretched Well, the boys they all paid him a visit A bit in their sacks too they fetched For they sweated their duds till they riz it For Larry was always a lad When a boy was condemned to the squeezer Would fence all the duds that he had For to help his poor friend to a sneezer [Outro] And warm his ol' gob 'fore he died And warm his ol' gob 'fore he died