Frank Loesser — A Secretary Is Not a Toy

Gentlemen! Gentlemen, please! When something of value is placed in your hands You treat it maturely with infinite care You don't make paper boats out of money You don't toss a fine watch in the air So you certainly should be aware That a secretary is not a toy No, my boy Not a toy to fondle and dandle And playfully handle In search of some puerile joy No, a secretary is not Definitely not A toy A secretary is not to be Used for play therapy If that's what you'rе doing You're quite misconstruing Her function whilе in your employ No, a secretary is not Definitely not A toy She's a highly specialized Key component of operational unity A fine and sensitive mechanism That serves the office community With a mother at home she supports (A mother at home she supports) Do not tamper, do not tinker He who does so is truly a stinker Who could learn the plain truth from his shrinker Or found out at F.A.O. Schwartz That a secretary is not a small version of volleyball If you're feeling eager Ran down to [?] and there you can grab the McCoy No, a secretary is not Definitely not A toy A secretary is not a pet Nor an erector set To juggle and jingle Like something Kris Kringle Had left for small hands to destroy No, a secretary is not Definitely not A toy Gentlemen, to recap: She's a highly specialized Key component of operational unity A fine and sensitive mechanism That serves the office community Please observe when you put her to use (observe when you put her to use) She's not metal, she's not plastic Run by motor, or springs, or elastic And you won't find a name so fantastic As Lionel on her caboose A secretary is not a thing Wound by key, pulled by string Her pad is to write in And not spend the night in If that's what you plan to enjoy No, a secretary is not Definitely not A toy