Frank Zappa — Chrissy Puked Twice

It was the darkest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' 'Cause the sky's too tight Heard the scarey wind I seen the ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the side of me I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery It was 11 o'clock upon a Friday night You know the girl and me was feeling outta' sight We had twenty reds and a big ol' pile of weed You know we drank some wine and then we LSD'd Chrissy puked twice and jumped on my bike She yelled, "Fire it up, 'cause you know what I like!" She burned her leg on a tail-pipe then And yelled, "Shit-a-ree!", and puked again I noticed even the crickets Were actin' weird up here 'N so I said "Well, come on and let's drink a little beer" I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . " But there was no reply 'Cause she was gone . . "Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil . . He's about this big . . He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright You know I knew it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know, it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "You sonofabitch!" 'Cause I was mad at him He just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang So I shot him with my shooter Said: BANG BANG BANG The sucker just laughed 'n said: Terry: Oh, put it away . . You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say? FZ: You ate my Chrissy? Terry: Yeah! Titties 'n all! FZ: Well, what about the beer then? Terry: Ah . . . Were the cans this tall? FZ: Even her boots? Terry: Now, would I lie to you? FZ: Shit, you musta been hungry! Terry: Yeah, this is true FZ: Don't they pay you good For the stuff you do? Terry: Well, you know I can't complain when the checks come through . . FZ: I want my Chrissy Terry: Yeah? FZ: I want my beer Terry: So what? FZ: You just puke it back up, boy Do you hear? Terry: Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil Do you understand? Just what will you give me for your Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here . . FZ: Yer goddam right, you Son-of-a-whore Terry: Don't call me that! FZ: That's about the only reason I learned writin' for . . Gimme that paper . . . bet yer ass I'll sign . . Because I need a beer 'N it's titty-squeezin' time! Terry: Man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad . . I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had . . FZ: Oh, yeah? Terry: There was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too . . 'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you . . FZ: Well, let's make a deal if you think that's true I mean, after all you're the Devil, now . . Whatcha gonna do? Come on! Terry: What am I gonna do? FZ: You can— You can have my soul . . Terry: What? FZ: It's a mean little sucker, 'bout a thousand years old . . Terry: You want me to take . . . ? FZ: But once you gets it . . Terry: Oh, no FZ: You can't give it back . . Terry: Wha— FZ: You gotta keep it forever . . Terry: Oh . . FZ: And that's a natural fact Terry: Forever? FZ: Do you understand me, am I making myself perfectly clear to you? Terry: Man, well, I don't know if I want you around Hell forever FZ: Take my soul Terry: I mean . . FZ: Take my soul! I don't care Terry: Oh, no . . FZ: Who needs a soul anymore? Terry: No, wait a minute, you got those funky things growing in your hear, you . . FZ: Really. Who needs it? Terry: Oh, you're crazy, man! FZ: I'd rather have beer! Terry: Wait— Oh, no, wait, you're freaking me out . . FZ: Take my soul, give me the beer Terry: You want— No, wait, hold it, wait! FZ: Give me the beer and the titties! Terry: No, hold it, wait, wait, wait! FZ: Give me the titties! Terry: Titties, beer, wait! FZ: Give me more beer Terry: WAIT! FZ: Give me bigger titties! Terry: No, wait . . . No, wait, please, please . . FZ: Bigger titties and more beer. And hockey! Terry: NO! FZ: And give me football! Terry: NOOO! FZ: And give me baseball! Terry: Wait! FZ: And give me titties and beer and television! Terry: Titties, beer and baseball, with television! FZ: And give me . . Terry: No, wait! FZ: Give me everything Terry: Wait . . FZ: Take my soul, but . . Terry: God help me FZ: Mostly the titties Terry: Oh . . FZ: Just give me the titties Terry: Wait, wait . . . NOOOOO! Terry: No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think . . I mean . . . hold on, boy . . 'Cause that's Magic Ink! And then the Devil puked 'N out jumped m'girl They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN', that's right! All around the world "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A COUPLE OF DOWNS AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO JUST FUCK YOU CLOWNS!" Then she gave us the finger It was rigid 'n stiff That's when the Devil, he farted An' she went right over the cliff "OH! . . . " Oh, she had such a good time going down . . The Devil was mad I took off to my pad I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? FZ: Awright! Now we have a song for lovers only. Pay close attention to this . .