Frank Zappa — Dinah-Moe Humm Hammersmith Odeon

Doctor! I couldn't say where she's comin' from But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm She strolled on over, say: "Look here, bum I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum No way! Y'jes can't do it" She made a bet with her sister, who's a little bit dumb She could prove it any time all men was scum I don't mind that she called me a bum But I knew right away she was really gonna cum, yeah So I got down to it I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation to her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb But I still didn't hear no Dinah-Moe Humm No Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Where's this Dinah-Moe comin' from? I done spent three hours an' I ain't got a crumb From the Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe, Dinah-Moe From the Dinah-Moe Humm Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it Got a spot that gets me hot But you ain't been to it 'Cause I can't get into it unless I get out of it An' I gotta get out of it before I get into it 'Cause I never get into it unless I get out of it An' I gotta be out of it to get myself into it Well she looked over at me with a glazed eye And some bovine perspiration on her upper lip area And she said: "Just get me wasted an' you're half-way there 'Cause if my mind's tore up then my body don't care" I rubbed my chinny-chin-chin an' said: "My, my, my What sort of thing might this lady get high upon?" The forty-dollar bill didn't matter no more When her sister got nekkid an' laid on the floor She said: "Dinah-Moe might win the bet But she could use a little ______ if I wasn't done yet" I told her: "Just because the sun want a place in the sky No reason to assume I wouldn't give her a try" So I pulled on her hair Got her legs in the air An' asked her if she had any cooties on there "Whaddya mean, cooties!? No cooties on me!" She was buns-up kneelin' (Buns up!) I was wheelin' an dealin' (Wheelin' an' dealin' an' ooooh!) She surrender to the feelin' (Sweetly surrendered) An' she started in to squealin' Dinah-Moe watched from the edge of the bed With her lips just twitchin' an' her face gone red Some drool rollin' down from the edge of her chin While she spied the condition her sister was in She quivered 'n quaked an' clutched at herself While her sister made a joke about her mental health Until Dinah-Moe finally did give in But I told her all she really needed was some discipline That's when I said Kiss my aura... Dora... Because it's real Angora Would y'all like some more-a? Right here on the floor-a? An' how 'bout you, Fauna? Do you wanna? All right then! I couldn't say where she's comin' from But I just met a lady named Dinah-Moe Humm She strolled on over, say: "Look here, bum I got a forty-dollar bill say you can't make me cum No way! Y'jes can't do it" She made a bet with her sister, who's a little bit dumb She could prove it any time all men was scum I don't mind that she called me a bum But I knew right away she was really gonna cum So I got down to it I whipped off her bloomers 'n stiffened my thumb An' applied rotation to her sugar plum I poked 'n stroked till my wrist got numb An' you know I heard some Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Humm Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe Little Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe Dinah-Moe You're probably wondering why I'm going like that with a microphone it's just a...it's just kind of an international gesture of trust, you see? I'll go like that, and when I go like that you'll just say "Dinah-Moe" and have a good time there in your seat. You'd be amazed what a wonderful sensation it is to be a part of a huge, choral organization. Your voices join together on those simple words "Dinah-Moe," all fifty-sixty of ya, just sing it right out. It could be very exhilarating, but then again it could be a boring waste of time like the rest of the program. Who knows? It's so hard to know these things when you go to a foreign shore. We'll give it a try. We'll find out whether you guys are hot, or whether you're not. Awright? Your big chance. Dinah-Moe? (Audience: Dinah-Moe!) Ok, forget it. Ok, let's see what we can do with these people, they're really very tired. Um... Musician: Play doctor FZ: Let's play doctor Musician: Play doctor! Doctor! FZ: No, I've got it. See this guy over there, the one that's sleeping? Everyone assume that position. We're gonna give you just a little dream. A make-believe...this is a dreaming, make-believing concert You're falling to sleep. The queen wants you to sleep, you are going to sleep. While you are asleep you are going to play doctor (Doctor!) Only you are going to do it while we play "Camarillo Brillo."