Frank Zappa — Magdalena Carnegie Hall

Howard: Here's a little story I learned upstream in prison, Folsom Prison, 1968. Hey! Hey! Ha! There was a man A little ole man Who lived in Montreal With a wife and a kid And a car and a house And a teenage daughter With a see-thru blouse Who loved to grunt and ball— And her name was Magdalena Magdalena . . The little ole man Came home one night To his house in Montreal He caught his daughter In a blouse by the light And he said to himself "She looks all right!" He reached for a tit And grabbed it tight And threw her up Against the wall (BLUE CROSS!) Magdalena . . My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near I work so hard, don't you understand Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? Magdalena . . The little ole man With the grubby little hand Who lived in Montreal Was drooling a bit As he reached for a tit And he said to himself "This is gonna be it!" But the girl turned around And said, "Go eat shit!" And ran on down the hall Right on, Magdalena! My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near My daughter dear, do not be concerned When your Canadian daddy comes near I work so hard, don't you understand Making maple syrup for the pancakes of our land Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? Do you have any idea? What that can do to a man? What that can do to a man? (Aynsley Dunbar!) Magdalena, don't you tease me like this In the hallway with your blouse and your tits Wow if your mommy ever finds us like this She'll call a lawyer, oh how mom will be pissed DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH DOODLE-OODLE-OODLE DOOT-DOO DEE-OOH-WAH . . Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena, Magdalena Daughter of the New York City slums I'd like to take you down with me, babe To the corner, honey And get a Sabrett hot dog And take it on home Perform lewd acts And eat it while it's warm And, Magdalena, can you see us walking down to Village Oldies together, baby And searching for that Penguins record that always gave you an orgasm in the eighth grade, you know what I mean, honey? I remember well Honey, we can go through Central Park together And we can watch the sun come up over the bunny things where you get your picture taken and put on a pin at the children's zoo And then, after that, after that we can have a rancid sausage sandwich on Bleecker St., Yes And you get that drizzly shits and fart all the way home Oh, can't you see it now, honey New York has so much to offer. Why it's a fucking summer festival Fun city And it's yours, baby (Walk, walk, walk, walk on back . . . etc.) It's for you and me It's our oyster Now believe me, Magdalena, when I saw you yesterday in the hallway I didn't mean to grab your little tittie there I said, "My God, my own daughter, my flesh and blood I gave my sperm to this kid and now all of a sudden I'm hard as a rock," You know what I mean? I reached out And I pulled your little nipple closer to me, darling And your mommy walked in and said "Harry . . (Your mom will never know, your mom will never know . . . etc.) Harry, what are you doing with Magdalena's nipple?" There was nothing I could say, Magdalena (Please! Walk, walk, walk on back . . . etc.) But if you just walk back to me, honey We don't need her We don't need Ian, we don't need George, we don't need anybody Magdalena, turn around under that DayGlo picture of Jesus we bought at the, at the, at the Night Owl, baby Come on, turn around, come back to me Your mom'll never know Your mom'll never know Your mom'll never know Your mom'll never know You gotta walk back, baby, walk back Come back to your daddy Please, Magdalena, I need you so Why, it'll just be you and me, honey We could take the Staten Island ferry together We can go see No, No, Nanette and Promises, Promises We can go to Shirley Bassey at the Waldorf-Astoria Why, there's nothing we can't do together, my darling Come back to your daddy It's you and me, Magdalena, for the rest of our lives . .