Frank Zappa — The Illinois Enema Bandit ZINY 40th Anniversary Deluxe Edition

FZ: And now, a true story with another fantastic introduction brought to you through the courtesy of NBC. Take it away, Don Pardo! Don Pardo: This is a true story about a famous criminal from right around Chicago. This is the story of Michael Kenyon, a man who is serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery. It so happens, that at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema—apparently, there was no law against that. But his name lives on—Michael Kenyon, THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT! The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard he's on the loose I heard he's on the loose Lord, the pitiful screams Of all them college-educated women . . He'd just be tyin' 'em up (They'd be all bound down!) He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice The Illinois Enema Bandit I heard it on the news I heard it on the news Bloomington Illinois . . . he has caused some alarm Just sneakin' around there From farm to farm Got a rubberized bag And a hose on his arm Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump That he just might wanna pump The Illinois Enema Bandit Some day he'll have to pay Some day he'll have to pay The police will say, "You're under arrest!" And then the judge would have him for a special guest The D.A. will order a secret test Stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest Then they'll put out a call-yooou! for the jury folks (That's you right over there) And the judge would say—take it away, judge "No poo-poo jokes!" Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see Sayin' "Don't nobody, no no, have no sympathy . . HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!" And then the Bandit might say, "Why is everybody lookin' at me?" WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY? You know that one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!" ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA? Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!" ARE YOU GUILTY? ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS? COME ON, NOW You know what he said? "It must be just what they all need . . . " (That's right!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (That's right!) "It must be just what they all need . . . " (Yes . . .) "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla ". . . must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "It must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "I said it must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "You know it must be just what they all need . . . " The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla "Well, it must be just what they all need . . ." The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice All right now! He just be . . The Illinois . . Enema . . Bandit, yeah, yeah, yeah . . Ooh . . . Enema Bandit . . (Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yay-yah) Enema Bandit (Enema Bandit) Enema Bandit (Enema-nema-nema-ne-nema-ne-nema-ne-nema Bandit) Bandit, yeah . . ( . . . so did the Enema Bandit) The Illinois Enema Bandit . . FZ: Alright!