Frank Zappa — Titties ’n Beer Hammersmith Odeon

It was the blackest night There was no moon in sight You know the stars ain't shinin' Cause the sky's too tight I heard the scarey wind I seen some ugly trees There was a werewolf honkin' 'Long the side of me I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me 'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery I noticed even the crickets Were actin' weird up here 'N so I figured I might Just drink a little beer I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . . " But there was no reply Cause she was gone "Where's those titties I like so well, 'n my goddamn beer!" Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil He's about this big He had a red suit on An' a widow's peak An' then a pointed tail 'N like a sulphur reek Yes, it was him awright I swear I knowed it was He had some human flesh Stuck underneath his claws You know, it looked to me Like it was titty skin I said, "You sonofabitch!" Cause I was mad at him Well he just got out his floss 'N started cleanin' his fang And so I shot him with my shooter Said: BANG BANG BANG And then the sucker just laughed 'n said: Terry: Put it away You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say? FZ: You ate my Chrissy? Terry: Yeah! Titties 'n all! FZ: Well, what about the beer then? Terry: Now were the cans this tall? FZ: Even her boots? Terry: Would I lie to you? FZ: Shit, you must've been hungry! Terry: Yeah, this is true FZ: Don't they pay you good For the stuff that you do? Terry: Well, you know I can't complain when the checks come through FZ: Hey I want my Chrissy 'N I want my beer So you just spew it back up Now, Devil, do you hear? Terry: Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil Do you understand? (Ah yeah) Just what will you give me for your Titties and beer? I suppose you noticed this little contract here FZ: Yer goddam right, you Son-of-a-whore That's about the only reason I learned writin' for Gimme that contract . . . bet yer horns I will sign Because I need a beer 'N it's titty-squeezin' time! Terry: Wait a minute man, you can't fool me . . . you ain't that bad Why you shoulda seen some of the souls that I've had Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew, too 'N both of those suckers was worse 'n you FZ: Let's make a deal if you think that's true I mean, you're supposed to be the Devil so Whatcha gonna do? Terry: You still wanna make a deal, huh? FZ: Oh yeah, hey listen you can have my soul It's a mean little sucker about a thousand years old But once you gets it you can't give it back You've got to keep it forever and that's a natural fact Terry: Hold on a second man, keep it forever? You're so bold. I mean, I don't know if I want to get into this after all FZ: Look you either take my soul or play doctor Terry: I don't want to do either one FZ: Well I'm gonna make it easy on you, I mean since this is England and everything we don't wanna trundle this thing into the ground, you know. Real simple: all I want is titties and beer. Titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer Terry: Uh uh, no way FZ: . . . titties and beer, titties and beer, titties and beer Terry: Negatory! FZ: Are you ossified? Terry: No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think I mean Hold on a second, boy Because that's Magic Ink! FZ: And then the Devil barfed 'N out jumped m'girl They heard the titties PLOP-PLOPPIN' All around the world, she said: "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO FUCK YOU CLOWNS!" Then she gave us the finger It was rigid 'n stiff That's when the Devil, he farted An' she went right over the cliff Well, the Devil was mad I took off to my pad I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there? I swear I do declare! How did she get back there?