ANNOUNCER: Time for Action-6 News with Leslie Crotchmonger
and Dick Hopshteckler. Here's Leslie with today's top stories.
L: Good evening. First the headlines:
* A giant man shits on Philadelphia.
* An old man shows his soiled anus to a waitress at an Olive Garden.
* A small dog eats a man's balls and dies.
* A crippled couple is arrested for fucking on a rollercoaster.
Now the stories behind the headlines: In Philadelphia today, a giant man dropped his huge pants and squatted over Indepеndence Hall. He thеn unleashed a ...
(Dick reaches over and grabs Leslie's script.)
D: Fuck you, you cunt! You did the headlines!
L: Lick my asshole, you dimwitted prick! My name comes first on the opening announcement.
D: That's because you blew the news director!
L: At least I didn't blow a homeless guy who has the siff!
D: Oh yeah?! Well, he wouldn't have the siff if you didn’t fuck him out back in the Dumpster!
L: Eat my box!
D: Not without a gas mask, Dearie!
L: Keep fuckin' with me, Little Dick, and I'll tell your wife about the Cub Scouts you went down on!
D: Leslie, the way were acting is crazy. Let's put all this petty,
personal stuff behind us and act like professionals. What do you say?
L: Good idea. I agree.
D: So, what's coming up at six o'clock?
L: How the fuck should I know?! What do you think I am, a fuckin' psychic?!
D: No way! If you were psychic, you would've known you were gonna wind up with labia that hang down like satchel handles!
L: Thanks, Dick, that's real clever. By the way, doesn't that get to you? Being called Dick?!
D: Being called Dick is a lot better than being called Dick Licker!
L: Eat shit, raisin balls! I hope you swallow a turd! Well, folks, that’s it for Action-6 News. Don't miss News at Eleven tonight as Rod Holder interviews a nun who's been receiving obscene phone calls from a man who says he wants to chew her bush during a funeral mass.
ANNOUNCER: Action-6 News has been brought to you by First Bank, meeting community needs since 1849. First Bank: Experience Out the Ass.
Other George Carlin songs:
all George Carlin songs all songs from 2004