Johnny Cash — The Man Who Couldnt Cry

There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and movie love stories For instance, could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children will Then at some point, his tear ducts ran dry Grew to be a man, it all hit the fan Things got bad but he couldn't cry His dog was run over, his wife up and left him After that he got sacked from his job Lost his arm in a war, was laughed at by a whore Ah, but still not a sniffle or sob His novel was refused and his movie was panned His big Broadway show was a flop He got sent off to jail, you guessed it, no bail Oh, but still not a dribble or drop In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered And made to make license plates Water and bread was all he was fed Not once did a tear stain his face Doctors were called in, scientists too Theologians were last and practically least They all agreed sure enough, this was no cream puff But in fact an insensitive beast He was taken from jail and placed in a place For the insensitive and the insane He made a lot of friends and he played a lot of chess And he wept every time it would rain Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried On the forty-first day, he passed away He just dehydrated and died He went up to heaven, located his dog After that, he rejoined his arm Below, all the critics, they took it all back Cancer robbed the whore of her charm His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke The theologians were finally found out Right down to the ground, the old jailhouse burned down And the earth suffered perpetual drought