Kevin Bloody Wilson — I gave up wanking

I give up wankin this mornin I never thought that I could And I'm feeling better already This time I'm off it for good When I first wanked I thought I was so clever And all of me mates, they were mugs Thought I was the first Bloke here on Earth Who'd ever played with his slug It was me own little secret I never told anyone And the feelin I got, the first time I shot Was like chooks flying outta me bum So I'm givin up wankin' tomorrow I never thought that I could I'll be glad to get rid of these headaches Then I'll be off it for good I've wanked in some unlikely places The shower, the beach and the pool The dunny, a tram and the pictures Biology classes at school And once my grandmother caught me Wanking meself in me room But to her suprise I just shut me eyes and imagined her standin there nude I'm givin up wankin on tuesdee I never thought that I could Then I won't squint like I do now Then I'll be off it for good Me dad says it's gonna take will-power There really is no easy trick I honestly thought I'd need surgery To help get me hand orf me d*** Me dad's been a great inspiration He's really been a great help He knows what I go through And just what to do Cause he give it up yest'dee himself So I'm givin up wankin next Fridee I never thought that I could And I won't have to wear these thick glasses Then I'll be off it for good So if you say you don't wank Your a liar And a fool if you say that you do So next time you see Prince Charles on TV Remember he wanked himself too So I'm givin up wankin come Christmas I never thought that I could And I'll sell me dog and me white cane And then I'll be off it for good I'm givin up wankin next Easter I never thought that I could And the warts on me hand will just vanish Then I'll be off it for good I'm givin up wankin' next August I never thought that I could.....