Leonard Bernstein — One Hundred Easy Ways

You've met a charming fellow and you're out for a spin The motor fails and he just wears a helpless grin Don't bat your eyes and say, "What a romantic spot we're in." (Just get out, crawl under the car, tell him it's the gasket, and fix it in two seconds flat. With a bobby pin.) That's a good way to lose a man He takes you to the baseball game, you sit knee to knee He says, "The next man up at bat will bunt, you'll see." Don't say, "Ooh, what's a bunt? This game's too hard for little me." (Just say, "Bunt? Are you nuts? With one out and two men on base and a left-handed batter coming up, he'll walk right into a triple play, just like happened in fifth game of the World Series in 1923.") That's a sure way to lose a man A sure sure sure sure way to lose a man A splendid way to lose a man Just throw your knowledge in his face He'll never try for second base 98 ways to go The third way to lose a man The lifeguard at the beach that all the girlies adore Swims bravely out to save you through the ocean's roar Don't say, "Oh thanks, I would have drowned in just second more." (Just push his head underwater and yell, "Last one in is a rotten egg," and race him.) That's a swell way to lose a man You've found your perfect mate and it's been love from the start He whispers, "You're the one to who I give my heart." Don't say, "I love you too, my dear, let's never ever part (Just say, "I'm afraid you've made a grammatical error. It's not 'to who I give my heart,' it's 'to whom I give my heart.' You see, with the use of the preposition 'to', 'who' becomes the indirect object, making the use of the word 'whom' imperative, which I can easily show you by drawing a simple chart.") That's a fine way to lose a man A fine fine fine fine way to lose a man A dandy way to lose a man Just be more well-informed than he You'll never hear "Oh Promise Me" Just show him where his grammar errs Then mark your towels "hers" and "hers" Yes, girls, you too can lose your man If you will use Ruth Sherwood's plan One hundred easy ways to lose a man