Leonard Bernstein — What a movie

[DINAH] What a movie! What a terrible, awful movie! It’s a crime what they put On the screen! I can hardly believe what I’ve seen! Do they think we’re a lot of children? It would bore any four year old! What drivel! What nonsense! What escapist Technicolor twaddle! “Trouble in Tahiti,” indeed! “Trouble in Tahiti,” imagine! There she is in her inch or two of sarong Floating, floating, floating, all among the Floating flowers Then she sees him, the handsome American (I must say he’s really a man Six feet tall, and each foot just incredible!) Well, they’re madly in love But there’s trouble ahead; There’s a legend: “If a princess marry white man, and rain fall that day Then the white man shall be sacrifice without delay.” Sure enough, on the night of their wedding day There’s a storm like nothing on earth; Tidal waves and siroccos and hurricanes; And to top it all off The volcano erupts As the natives sing: Ah! Ah! Ah! Olé! They go crazy with the drumming and the chanting and ritual dance While the lovers sing a ballad of South Seas romance It’s so lovely, I wish I could think of it; Da da dee da da… It was called “Island Magic,” I think it was Oh, a beautiful song! I remember it now: “Island Magic, where the midnight breezes caress us And the stars above Seem to bless us That’s Island Magic, Island Magic.” Well, in any case, the hero is tied to a tree (Did I tell you he’s a flyer Who got lost at sea?) Anyway, all the natives are crazy now Running wild with lances and knives; Then they pile up the wood for the sacrifice And the witch doctor comes And he sets it on fire As the natives sing: Ah! Ah! Ah! Olé! But at this point, comes the good old U.S. Navy A-singin’ a song They come swarming down in parachutes a thousand strong! Everything now is cleared up and wonderful: Everyone is happy as pie; And they all do a great rumba version of “Island Magic” of course! It’s a dazzling sight; With the sleek brown native women dancing with the U.S. Navy boys And a hundred-piece symphony orchestra: Island Magic! Where the palm trees whisper together And it’s always warm summer weather That’s Island Magic Island Magic! With the one I love very near; Island Magic, Whispering native words in my ear Island Magic Only you, my darling, could weave it And I never ever will leave it And I simply cannot believe It really is mine! Island Magic! Island Ma…” What a terrible, awful movie!!! How long have I been standing here chattering? If I don’t get going this minute, there won’t be any dinner When Sam comes home!