Nol Coward — Family Album

Jasper: And now, my dears, a toast. Be prepared. To ourselves, a closely united family, and to the dear strangers who have joined us: I allude to you, Jane darling, and Edward, and my dear Charles Charles: Does that mean we three may not drink? Jasper: Certainly not. Drink to yourselves, to each other and to the happiness of us all Charles: Good Harriet: Oh, do be quiet Charles Jasper: Where was I, where was I, where was I? Jane: To the happiness of us all, my love Jasper: Thank-you, Jane Here's a toast to each of us And all of us together Here's a toast to happiness and reasonable pride May our touch on life be lighter Than a seabird's feather; May all sorrows as we pass Politely step aside Jane: A commonplace sentiment, my dear Jasper, worthy neither of you, nor of the moment Jasper: Moments fly so swiftly, my love Emily: I thought what Jasper said was beautiful Jasper: Hush, Emily. Jane's chiding merely means that she would have liked to have thought of it herself Edward: Get on with the toast, Jasper Jasper: Where was I, where was I, where was I? Jane: Gasping in the deeps of your own imagination, my love Jasper: Thank-you Now I drink to those of us who, happily united Ornament our family and share our joy and pain Charles, my friend, and Edward, too, connubially plighted Last, my dears, but always best, my own beloved Jane Jane: Charmingly put, my dear Jasper, if a trifle pedantic Jasper: I do my best, my love, but my best is obviously unworthy Harriet: Oh, do stop sparring, you two Emily: Sparring? What about their expression? Jasper: Where was I, where was I? Jane: In command, my love, as always Jasper: Harriet married a soldier A man of pleasant birth A man of noble worth And finely tempered steel Ready to die for the Empire The sun must never set Upon his both brave but yet Ambiguous ideal So now, dear Charles, I am saluting you That never setting-sun Shall call you blest If far-off natives take to shooting you You will at least have done Your level best All: Harriet married a soldier May life be bright for him; May might be right for him For ever and for aye Harriet married a soldier And in the matrimonial fray Harriet married a soldier Despite his glories in the field He'll have to honour and obey And be defeated till judgement day! Harriet: Oh, but how unfair of you all, I'm as meek as a mouse. Charles rules me with a rod of iron Jane: Dear Harriet, we salute your strategy that makes him believe it Jasper: Now we come to Emily, whose progress has been steady; Only married two short years and three fat sons already Emily: You make me blush, Jasper. We count the twins as one Edward: Never-the-less, my love, they're normal babies, with a mouth each to feed Jasper: Emily married a doctor A sentimental man A mild and gentle man Of scientific mind Doing his best for the nation Forever dutiful A really beautiful Example to the rest of us A challange to the zest of us The noblest and the best of us combined Edward: I accept your tribute, Jasper, while doubting its complete sincerity, but the surface value is warming enough. I thank you, Jasper Emily and Jane: Edward * * * * * Harriet: It played another tune, I remember distinctly, it played another tune Richard: You mustn't ask too much of it Harriet: It was a waltz Jane: Yes, yes, of course it was a waltz. Don't you remember, we danced to it years later at a ball, before we were married — it was this — it was this —— Hearts and flowers Dreamy hours Under skies of blue Emily: [interjected] It's remembered. Oh, How clever of it Richard: Shh, Emily, That was their love-song Jane: Two fond hearts so sweetly beat in tune 'Neath the midnight magic of the moon Petals falling Love-birds softly calling Life begins anew When Cupid's dart discloses The secret of the roses Hearts and flowers and you Jasper: The man who wrote those words certainly had a sweet tooth Emily: I remember Annie singing that tune when she was doing the stairs Harriet: I remember Nanny singing it when she was bathing Emily Richard: I remember Father humming it between his teeth when he was whacking me with a slipper Charles: An excellent example of two hearts beating to the tune; Jasper: A crude joke, Charles, back to the barrack room Jane: We found it inspiring enough. Did we not, my love? Jasper: Olympian, the loveliest song in the world Jane & Jasper: Hearts and flowers By-gone hours How the time have flown Jasper: You wore white camellias in your hair Jane: All you did was hold my hand and stare Both: Have we altered Have our footsteps faltered Through the years we've known? When all our days are done, love There'll still be only one love You and you alone Jasper: Forever, my heart Jane: Till death do us part Burrows: You rang, Mister Jasper? Jasper: Yes, Burrows. Would you like a little Madeira? Burrows: I should be honoured, Mr. Jasper Jasper: Here Burrows: At your service, always Jasper: Thank-you Burrows: Have I your permission for a moment? Jasper: Certainly, Burrows. What is it? Burrows: The musical box. There should be a little tune. A little tune from the years that have ended. Allow me. I drink to you all, and to you, sir, and ma'am. This house was happy when there were children in it All: Let the angels guide you Be good and brave and true Let the angels guide you Oh do! Oh do! Oh do! Spurn each vile temptation Avoid each evil lure Keep your conversation Inordinately pure Good may be rewarded In some indefinite place Be always virtuous just in case