Nol Coward — The Stately Homes of England Reprise

(Verse) Lord Elderly, Lord Borrowmere Lord Sickert and Lord Camp Behold us in our hours of ease Uncertain, coy, and hard to please Reading in Debrett of us This fine patrician quartet of us We can feel extremely proud Our ancient lineage we can trace Back to the cradle of the race Before those beastly roman bowmen Bitched our local yeomen Though the new democracy May pain the old aristocracy We've not winced nor cried aloud Under the bludgeonings of chance what will be, will be Our heads will still be Bloody but quite unbowed (Chorus 1) The stately homes of England In valley, dale, and glen Produce a race of charming Innocuous young men Though our mental equipment may be slight And we barely distinguish left from right We are quite prepared to fight For our principles Though none of us know so far What they really are Our duty to the nation It's only fair to state Lies not in procreation But what we procreate And so we can cry With kindling eye As to married life we go What ho For the stately homes of England (Chorus 2) The stately homes of England Although a trifle bleak Historically speaking Are more or less unique We've a cousin who won the Golden Fleece And a very peculiar fowling piece Which was sent to Cromwell's niece Who detested it And rapidly sent it back With a dirty crack A note we have from Chaucer Contains a bawdy joke We also have a saucer That Bloody Mary broke We've two pairs of tights King Arthur's knights Had completely worn away Sing hey For the stately homes of England