Nol Coward — We Must All Be Very Kind to Auntie Jessie

(Verse 1) I remember clearly when I was a tiny little child My Auntie came to stay with us Maybe as a family, we were a trifle wild Our spirits ran away with us Every single day When we were at play Mother used to creep into the nursery and say (Chorus 1) We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie For she's never been a mother or a wife You must throw your toys at her Or make a vulgar noise at her She hasn't led a very happy life You must never lock her playfully in the bathroom Or play tunes on her enameled Spanish comb Though unpleasant to behold She's a heart of purest gold And charity, you know, begins at home (Verse 2) Relatives who come to stay are generally inclined To fray the children's nerves a bit Something in a maiden aunt just stupefies the mind From virtue's path one swerves a bit Though our childish joys May have made a noise Mother used to murmur, Though I know boys will be boys (Chorus 2) We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie And do everything we can to keep her bright If, when you're in the Underground You hear her make a funny sound It's very rude to laugh at her outright You must never fill her night-dress case with beetles Or beat up her Horlick's Malted Milk to foam Though her kiss is worse than death It's unkind to hold your breath For charity, you know, begins at home (Chorus 3) We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie And encourage her to see the sunny side It isn't kind to rush at her And hurl the blacking brush at her It's things like this that trample on her pride Don't molest her with a pail of icy water If when wandering at night she chanced to roam Though the attic stairs are steep Death comes peacefully in sleep And charity, we hope, begins at home