Phil Ochs — Talking Airplane Disaster

[Verse 1] Well, once I heard some people say If you gotta travel there's just one way You gotta leave the ground, gotta go through the air Gotta find a pilot and pay your fare You gotta sail through the sky In other words, you gotta fly [Verse 2] Yes, statistics show it's the way to go Well, it's safer than your car, you know Yes, It's safer than your home, safer than your street About the safest place to put your feet Statistics don't lie But statistics don't die, either [Verse 3] Well, once I heard Bob Dylan say You gotta take a train, it's the only way Well, nothin' ever happens to trains at all There was just one accident he could recall Plane crashed into it People flying in all directions then [Verse 4] So one day when the sky was blue I boarded a plane and off we flew Well, I looked out the window, insurance in my hand Just like Columbus searching for land; Swearin' I'd never fly again Just like the last time [Verse 5] Then one of the stewardesses ambled by And suddenly I wasn't afraid to die Well, she brought me coffee, pillows and tea Said, "You're as safe as you could be" She said there's nothing to worry about Then she flew out the door somebody forgot to close right [Verse 6] Well, the plane kept going higher and higher I could swear both the wings were on fire So I opened up the cockpit door And the pilot was a-layin' on the floor With the other stewardess Said, "Fly now and pay later" [Verse 7] Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two She lurched about, I swore I was through Well, my stomach was heavin', it was tied in a knot Little paper bag was all I got That's the bag I'm in Pilot said we hit an air pocket Must've been a pocket with an awful big hole in it [Verse 8] Well, at last the trip was near the end The airport was comin' around the bend But all my anxious eyes could see Was a thousand planes in the vicinity They was landin' and leavin' and wavin' at each other Wing to wing and brother to brother Well, the pilot was swearin' and swervin' around But he said, "Don't worry gang, we have radar Somewhere on the ground" I wasn't worried I was crawlin' up the aisle Screamin' "Jesus saves" [Verse 9] Well, the trip didn't do me too much harm But I did spend a year on the happy farm Well, they couldn't understand why I kissed the ground Chewed the concrete, swallowed it down Sure tasted good Like LaGuardia dirt should