Stephen Sondheim — Poor Baby

[SARAH] Darling— [HARRY] Yes? [SARAH] Robert [HARRY] What? [SARAH] I worry [HARRY] Why? [SARAH] He's all alone There's no one— [HARRY] Where? [SARAH] In his life [HARRY] Oh [SARAH] Robert ought to have a woman Poor baby, all alone Evening after evening by the telephone We're the only tenderness he's ever known Poor baby! [JENNY] David— [DAVID] Yes? [JENNY] Robert [DAVID] What? [JENNY] I worry [DAVID] Why? [JENNY] It's such a waste There's no one— [DAVID] Where? [JENNY] In his life [DAVID] Oh [JENNY] Robert ought to have a woman Poor baby, sitting there Staring at the walls and playing solitaire Making conversation with the empty air Poor baby! [Later, as Robert takes April to bed] [SARAH] Robert... [JENNY] Bobby... [SARAH] Robert, angel... [JENNY] Bobby, honey... [SARAH] You know No one Wants you to be happy More than I do No one But isn't she a little bit, well You know Face it Why her? Better No one— [JENNY] ...wants you to be happy More than I do No one But— [SARAH & JENNY] Isn't she a little bit, well You know Face it-- [SUSAN] You know, no one Wants you to be happy More than I do-- [AMY & JOANNE] You know, no one Wants you to be happy More than I do No one But-- [ALL] Isn't she a little bit, well— [Variously] Dumb? Tacky? Vulgar? Old? Tall? Aggressive? Where is she from? Neurotic? Peculiar? And cheap? She seems so dead She's tall enough to be your mother And gross? Depressing? She's very weird And immature? Goliath! [Together] Poor baby, all alone Throw a lonely dog a bone, it's still a bone We're the only tenderness he's ever known Poor baby!