Tom Waits — Intro to Better Off Without a Wife

For all the bachelors out there tonight Yeah for anybody who's ever whistled this song Maybe you whistled it, but you lost the sheet music Um...this is um...actually I don't mind going to weddings or anything As long as it's not my own, I show up But I've always kinda been partial to calling myself up on the phone and asking myself out, you know? Oh yeah, you call yourself up too huh? Yeah, well one thing about it, you're always around Yeah I know, yeah you ask yourself out, you know Some class joint somewhere The Burrito King or something, you know Well I ain't cheap, you know Take yourself out for a couple of drinks maybe Then there'd be some provocative conversation on the way home And park in front of the house, you know Oh yeah, you smoothly put a little nice music on Maybe you put on like uh, you know, like shopping music Something thats not too interruptive, you know And then uh slide over real nice and say 'Oh I think you have something in your eye' Well maybe it's not that romantic with you, but Christ I don't know, you know I get into it, you know Take myself up to the porch, take myself inside or maybe uh Or may get a little something in a brandy snifter or something 'Would like you like to listen to some of my back records? I got something here' Well usually about 2.30 in the morning you've ended up taking advantage of yourself There ain't no way around that, you know Yeah, making a scene with a magazine, there ain't no way around I'll confess you know, I'm no different, you know I'm not weird about it or anything, I don't tie myself up first I just kinda spend a little time with myself So this is kind of a little anthem here