Townes Van Zandt — Billy Boney and Ma

Well, Billy went down to the battleground To find a little trinket he could call his own Didn't see nothing lying around He decided he'd dig awhile Well, he dug her up and he dug her down 'Fore too long, he found some bones Poor little Billy couldn't make a sound When the bones sat up and smiled "Oh, Billy, you seem like a fine young man No reason to be a trembling soul Come over here and shake my hand Make my proud acquaintance" Well, Billy, he was stunned, he could hardly stand Whether he could move, he didn't know But he knew he had to formulate some kind of plan Or try the bone-man's patience The first thing he wanted to do was breathe So he gulped in some of that battleground air Next thing he wanted to do was leave But Billy wasn't raised up rude Well, the bone-man grunted and he gave a heave All of a sudden, he was looming there Shaking off dirt and acting pleased Things didn't look too good Well, Billy, he decided "What the hell?" You don't meet a bone-man every day A little bit skinny, but you never can tell He might be a pretty good guy Well, they started off with the old soft sell 'Fore too long, they was jawing away By the time the darkness fell They were seeing socket to eye They decided right then on a life of crime With the bone-man's looks and Billy's brains They could scare old Scrooge out of his last dime Might as well have a go Billy, he picked the place and time From the corner store to the railroad train Boney'd flash 'em a smile sublime And, Billy, he'd grab the dough They decided they might as well start right then Time's a-wastin', so they say They headed for the park where the lights are dim And only the foolish tread He was whistling a tune when they spotted him Strolling along, so plump and gay Boney gave him a great big grin And Billy snagged his bread Next come a lady of the night Boney saddled up and said hello Gave the poor thing such a terrible fright She fainted dead away Billy lifted her purse and her earrings bright Her diamond ring and watch, you know Couldn't figure out, try as he might Why he'd ever worked a single day Billy's plans ended up in ruin, though They were working a quaint little neighborhood Spied an old lady about eighty or so Almost looked too easy Boney put on a pretty good show But the little old lady didn't see too good "My kind sir, you're all bones, you know You need something hot and greasy" Grabbed old Boney, drug him inside Billy peeked in through the window sill She fed him boiled and baked and fried Old Boney, he's chewing like crazy He gobbled up everything he tried Pounds added on like you know they will Billy laid down in the dirt and cried Watching Boney getting fat and lazy Well, Billy's back working his job by day Sleepin' nights, it ain't so bad Never liked stealing anyway Kinda gives a guy the willies Boney and Ma got a new cafe Best baked beans you ever had Ma's expecting any day And they say they're gonna name him Billy