Townes Van Zandt — Talkin Karate Blues

Well, I ain't very big for twenty-one And it seems like I never could have any good clean fun 'Cause every time I'd go outside, some great big old bully'd come along He'd hit me in the face and he'd knock me to the ground And he'd start to kickin' me all around And that ain't exactly fair, friends, that's wrong So I got me a paper the other night And I crawled up on the sofa and I turned on the light And I flipped through the pages till I found the classified ads Said, "Take karate from Lee Hung Chow Man, make your first appointment now This course is guaranteed to make you bad" Well, the next day I drove to the address And by the Japanese design I was real impressed It looked like a regular house of the rising sun I walked inside, I was all alone I had a nervous feeling down in my bones I was kind of sorry I'd ever even come Then a giant Jap came through the door He must have been at least about seven foot four And he looked like he's prone to easy aggravation He said, "Lee Hung Chow, ah kee dung" That's Japanese for "fee fie foo fum" I tried to explain my entire situation He said, "Number one, course, Yankee, self defense Two hundred dollars and twenty five cents" I said "What's the twenty five cents for?" and he said, "Repairs" I said, "Repairs to what?", and he said, "To you" And I thought to myself, "Man, that won't do" Felt about a half inch tall underneath that old slanted stare Ah, you think he was yella I said, "I believe I better go check another place" He said, "Ha so, Yankee don't like my race" I said, "Now, there's a mistake, man, and that's true I've been for you Japanese all along You Japanese just can't do no wrong And I thought you got a mighty dirty deal in World War II" Well, he grabbed me by the hand and he gave a heave I figured there's a pretty good time to leave Before he had a chance to do me any definite harm But my plan worked out in the end, you see Now no bully's gonna pick on me Who's gonna hit a fellow with just one arm?