Various Artists — Tell the Captain

[Verse 1] We beamed down to the planet With the captain and the doc It must have been a dozen strong we were But the captain saw those women And it must have been a shock He turned as green as his first officer [Verse 2] It was Plan A of protection We had phasers every one And Security was armed from head to toe But the captain just suggested We should beam back to the ship And he told Security that they could go [Chorus] Someone tell the captain hе's wanted on the bridge Wе got another message from a planet out in space There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate And you know that to their rescue we must breeze [Verse 3] "Now wait right there," the doctor said "I really do believe this is the day that I've been waiting for "So I think I'll hang around for a just a little while and see "What these charming little ladies have in store" [Verse 4] I didn't understand until I turned to look around At the children who were running through the place Tall and short and fat and thin but I noticed every one For the spitting image of our captain's face [Chorus] Someone tell the captain he's wanted on the bridge We got another message from a planet out in space There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate And you know that to their rescue we must breeze [Verse 5] The doctor only smiled as all the ladies made their claims Paternity suits rained from every hand And he said, "I'm a country doctor, not a magistrate "But I'll tell you just exactly what I can" [Verse 6] So the captain stood there nervously And looked from face to face With every shred of dignity he had And the doctor choked his laughter As he checked them one by one And solemnly pronounced, "Jim, you're dad" [Chorus] Someone tell the captain he's wanted on the bridge We got another message from a planet out in space There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate And you know that to their rescue we must breeze [Verse 7] By the time we got back to the ship The crew had heard the news And we tried our best to cover every smirk But the captain sat there fuming With those papers in his hand And shouted, "Everybody, back to work" [Verse 8] Well, the captain eats on board now Whenever we're on leave And you never see him going into town Child support has left him broke Can't risk another kid And his yeoman will not let him live it down [Chorus] Someone tell the captain he's wanted on the bridge We got another message from some planet out in space There's some poor group of women left abandoned to their fate And you know that to their rescue we must breeze And you know that to their rescue we must breeze