Vesta Tilley — The Army Of Today’s All Right

When people tell you that the army's not complete It goes to show - that they don't know I say the army's simply perfect, can't be beat I know it's true - because I do Some time back it seemed to me Thing's weren't all they used to be There was one thing that was wanted only one And of course that thing was done [Chorus] So it's all right now, there's no need to worry any more I saw the army wasn't strong Everything was wrong till the day I came along Then the band played, and they all hoorayed The guns fired a salvo of delight I joined the army yesterday so the army of today's all right Yes, it's right I found the Colonel of the Regiment in the dumps Said I “What for?” - He simply swore Oh crumbs! the language! well he let it out in lumps It was a shock - it stopped the clock When his breath came back a bit He explained the cause of it “What we need here is some ginger, sir” said he I said “That means you need me” [Chorus] So it's all right now, there's no need to worry any more I saw the army wasn't strong Everything was wrong till the day I came along Then the band played, and they all hoorayed “You've saved us” said Kitchener with delight I joined the army yesterday so the army of today's all right Yes, it's right Boys, take my tip and join the army right away The money's good - not much but good Who knows, perhaps you'll be a general some day Remember chaps - I said perhaps But though we're in need of you Don't think any old stuff will do In the army, for the future, there will be There will only be big strong chaps like me [Chorus] So it's all right now, there's no need to worry any more I saw the army wasn't strong Everything was wrong till the day I came along Then the band played, and they all hoorayed The Kaiser, they say, went deadly white I joined the army yesterday so the army of today's all right Girls, are the soldiers as attractive as they were A-while ago? - don't answer no If there's another kind of fellow you prefer Well I maintain - you want the cane But, girls if you're fancy free Say, how do you fancy me You would find me satisfactory, I should think Did I hear some dear girl wink? What? [Chorus] Then it's all right now, there's no need to worry any more I saw the army wasn't strong Everything was wrong till the day I came along Then the band played, and they all hoorayed The War Office woke up with a fright I joined the army yesterday so the army of today's all right