Victor Herbert — I Cant Do the Sum

(Verse 1) If a steamship weighed 10,000 tons and sailed 5,000 miles With a cargo large of overshoes and carving knives and files If the mates were almost six feet high and the bos'n near the same Would you subtract or multiply to find the captain's name? Oh, oh, oh! (Chorus) Put down six and carry two Gee, but this is hard to do You can think and think and think till your brains are numb I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum (Verse 2) If Clarence took fair Gwendoline out for an auto ride And if at 60 miles an hour one kiss to capture tried And quite forgot the steering gear on her honeyed lips to sup How soon could 20 men with brooms sweep Clare and Gwennie up? Oh, oh, oh! (Chorus) Put down six and carry two Gee, but this is hard to do You can think and think and think till your brains are numb I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum (Verse 3) If Harold took sweet Imogene with him one eve to dine And ordered half the bill of fare with cataracts of wine If the bill of fare were $13.95 and poor Harold had but four How many things would Harold strike before he found the floor? Oh, oh, oh! (Chorus) Put down six and carry two Gee, but this is hard to do You can think and think and think till your brains are numb I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum (Verse 4) If a woman had an English pug, ten children, and a cat And tried in seven hours to find a 40 dollar flat With naught but sunny outside rooms in a neighborhood of tone How old would those ten children be before they found a home? Oh, oh, oh! (Chorus) Put down six and carry two Gee, but this is hard to do You can think and think and think till your brains are numb I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum (Verse 5) If a pound of prunes cost 13 cents at half past one today And the grocer is so bald he wears a dollar five toupee And if with every pound of tea he will give two cut glass plates How soon would Willie break his face on his new roller skates? Oh, oh, oh! (Chorus) Put down six and carry two Gee, but this is hard to do You can think and think and think till your brains are numb I don't care what teacher says, I can't do the sum