Voltaire — The Beast of Pirates Bay

Gather weary travelers I have a tale to tell It might just save your lives but only if you listen well 'Cause there before the breakers And just around the way There's a sign that says "Beware The Beast of Pirate's Bay!" Some say he's a guppy a kid threw in the sea He ate so many sailors, now he's bigger than a tree His teeth are sharp as scissors His claws, they are like knives And if you think he's ugly, wait 'til you see his insides! (Chorus) Oh, don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim 'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out. You'd better stay away Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Pirate's Bay!" Some say he's a serpent that came straight from hell To eat the souls of pirates and other ne'er-do-wells Some they don't believe it, as for me I've got a hunch 'Cause they used to have some pirates here But he ate them all for lunch! (Chorus) Well, Captain Hook, you've heard of him, he came to Pirate's Bay It seems his little nemesis had nearly got away He reached into the water to grab at Peter Pan There was a crunch and a scream! And now that scurvy captain's got hooks on both his hands! (Chorus) Well, Blackbeard the Pirate, you know for what he's feared It's mostly for the dark, imposing color of his beard He saw the beast and now nobody's scared of him because His beard turned white and all agree He looks like Santa Claus (Chorus) Well, now the tavern's empty and there's only you and me And if you care I'd like to share how this song came to be So come a little closer if you really want to know This very sad and woeful tale happened so long ago Well, I was just a little boy when I went to Pirate's Bay And there I saw a creature that was very much dismayed With a harpoon in his dorsal fin and a hook stuck in his side This mighty whale was in such pain, we both began to cry I pushed and I shoved, but he wouldn't give way Into the deeper waters off our shallow Pirate's Bay All I could do to help him was to keep people away So I wrote a sign that said, "Beware The Beast of Pirate's Bay!" And what did it say? Don't you sail and don't you row and certainly don't you swim 'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of him He'll eat you up, he'll spit you out. You'd better stay away Heed the sign that says, "Beware." Hell I should know, I put it there! Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Pirate's Bay!"