Voltaire — When Youre Dead

The other day, I took a walk Because the air was sweet And I passed the crusty house Of the curmudgeon on my street Now, every town has got one So I'm sure you'll understand When I tell you this old bastard Is a mean and bitter man Now, this day, it was special I was wearing my new hat The old curmudgeon saw this And he disapproved of that. He said: "I've had one just like that For ten years, you ripped me off! You've got no right to wear a hat Like mine, so take it off!" As it happens, I'm a gentleman So I approached his porch I told him; "Great minds think alike And you have one, of course So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you When I come through?" He reached down for his gun and said "I'll shoot you if you do!" And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral No one's gonna drink at your wake No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye 'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead." Well, the next day I forgot This whole damned mess And went to town. And there I saw A hundred or so posters all around And on them was my face And I was wearing my new hat And they read: "This guy ripped me off I've got one just like that!" I took a walk down to his house To see if I could find A way to show him That we're kindred spirits of the mind And I said "I didn't make these hats Nor did you, of course And hey, we both love Johnny Cash..." He said "Get off my porch!" And I said: "No one's gonna cry at your funeral No one's gonna drink at your wake No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye 'Cause no one's gonna miss you when you're dead." When you look back on your life, what will you see? Did you spend your time mending fences or planting mines? There's no shortage of potential enemies, so don't Waste so much time pushing away your kind I thought, I must be stupid Or just crazy from the heat When I went down to the house Of that curmudgeon on my street Maybe it was foolish To go too his house again Just to show this crazy drunken fool He had a friend When I got there Much to my surprise, he wasn't there He was gone, as was his shotgun And his rocking chair I asked the neighbour-lady Who was lying on her lawn: "What happened to that mean old man?" She shrugged, and that was all No one's gonna cry at your funeral No one's gonna drink at your wake No one's gonna sigh with a tear in their eye 'Cause no one's gonna miss you Hell, no one's gonna notice And I'll enjoy the silence... When you're dead!