William Shakespeare — Two Gentlemen of Verona Act 2 Scene 1

                              SCENE I. Milan. The DUKE's palace.      Enter VALENTINE and SPEED SPEED       Sir, your glove. VALENTINE       Not mine; my gloves are on. SPEED       Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one. VALENTINE       Ha! let me see: ay, give it me, it's mine:       Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!       Ah, SILVIA, SILVIA! SPEED       Madam SILVIA! Madam SILVIA! VALENTINE       How now, sirrah? SPEED       She is not within hearing, sir. VALENTINE       Why, sir, who bade you call her? SPEED       Your worship, sir; or else I mistook. VALENTINE       Well, you'll still be too forward. SPEED       And yet I was last chidden for being too slow. VALENTINE       Go to, sir: tell me, do you know Madam SILVIA? SPEED       She that your worship loves? VALENTINE       Why, how know you that I am in love? SPEED       Marry, by these special marks: first, you have       learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreathe your arms,       like a malecontent; to relish a love-song, like a       robin-redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had       the pestilence; to sigh, like a school-boy that had       lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had       buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes       diet; to watch like one that fears robbing; to       speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were       wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you       walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you       fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you       looked sadly, it was for want of money: and now you       are metamorphosed with a mistress, that, when I look       on you, I can hardly think you my master. VALENTINE       Are all these things perceived in me? SPEED       They are all perceived without ye. VALENTINE       Without me? they cannot. SPEED       Without you? nay, that's certain, for, without you       were so simple, none else would: but you are so       without these follies, that these follies are within       you and shine through you like the water in an       urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a       physician to comment on your malady. VALENTINE       But tell me, dost thou know my lady SILVIA? SPEED       She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper? VALENTINE       Hast thou observed that? even she, I mean. SPEED       Why, sir, I know her not. VALENTINE       Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet       knowest her not? SPEED       Is she not hard-favoured, sir? VALENTINE       Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured. SPEED       Sir, I know that well enough. VALENTINE       What dost thou know? SPEED       That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured. VALENTINE       I mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favour infinite. SPEED       That's because the one is painted and the other out       of all count. VALENTINE       How painted? and how out of count? SPEED       Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no       man counts of her beauty. VALENTINE       How esteemest thou me? I account of her beauty. SPEED       You never saw her since she was deformed. VALENTINE       How long hath she been deformed? SPEED       Ever since you loved her. VALENTINE       I have loved her ever since I saw her; and still I       see her beautiful. SPEED       If you love her, you cannot see her. VALENTINE       Why? SPEED       Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes;       or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to       have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going       ungartered! VALENTINE       What should I see then? SPEED       Your own present folly and her passing deformity:       for he, being in love, could not see to garter his       hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose. VALENTINE       Belike, boy, then, you are in love; for last       morning you could not see to wipe my shoes. SPEED       True, sir; I was in love with my bed: I thank you,       you swinged me for my love, which makes me the       bolder to chide you for yours. VALENTINE       In conclusion, I stand affected to her. SPEED       I would you were set, so your affection would cease. VALENTINE       Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to       one she loves. SPEED       And have you? VALENTINE       I have. SPEED       Are they not lamely writ? VALENTINE       No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace!       here she comes. SPEED       [Aside] O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!       Now will he interpret to her.       Enter SILVIA VALENTINE       Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows. SPEED       [Aside] O, give ye good even! here's a million of manners. SILVIA       Sir VALENTINE and servant, to you two thousand. SPEED       [Aside] He should give her interest and she gives it him. VALENTINE       As you enjoin'd me, I have writ your letter       Unto the secret nameless friend of yours;       Which I was much unwilling to proceed in       But for my duty to your ladyship. SILVIA       I thank you gentle servant: 'tis very clerkly done. VALENTINE       Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;       For being ignorant to whom it goes       I writ at random, very doubtfully. SILVIA       Perchance you think too much of so much pains? VALENTINE       No, madam; so it stead you, I will write       Please you command, a thousand times as much; And yet— SILVIA       A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;       And yet I will not name it; and yet I care not;       And yet take this again; and yet I thank you,       Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more. SPEED       [Aside] And yet you will; and yet another 'yet.' VALENTINE       What means your ladyship? do you not like it? SILVIA       Yes, yes; the lines are very quaintly writ;       But since unwillingly, take them again.       Nay, take them. VALENTINE       Madam, they are for you. SILVIA       Ay, ay: you writ them, sir, at my request;       But I will none of them; they are for you;       I would have had them writ more movingly. VALENTINE       Please you, I'll write your ladyship another. SILVIA       And when it's writ, for my sake read it over,       And if it please you, so; if not, why, so. VALENTINE       If it please me, madam, what then? SILVIA       Why, if it please you, take it for your labour:       And so, good morrow, servant.       Exit SPEED       O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,       As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple!       My master sues to her, and she hath       taught her suitor,       He being her pupil, to become her tutor.       O excellent device! was there ever heard a better,       That my master, being scribe, to himself should write       the letter? VALENTINE       How now, sir? what are you reasoning with yourself? SPEED       Nay, I was rhyming: 'tis you that have the reason. VALENTINE       To do what? SPEED       To be a spokesman for Madam SILVIA. VALENTINE       To whom? SPEED       To yourself: why, she wooes you by a figure. VALENTINE       What figure? SPEED       By a letter, I should say. VALENTINE       Why, she hath not writ to me? SPEED       What need she, when she hath made you write to       yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest? VALENTINE       No, believe me. SPEED       No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive       her earnest? VALENTINE       She gave me none, except an angry word. SPEED       Why, she hath given you a letter. VALENTINE       That's the letter I writ to her friend. SPEED       And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end. VALENTINE       I would it were no worse. SPEED       I'll warrant you, 'tis as well:       For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty,       Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;       Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,       Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.       All this I speak in print, for in print I found it.       Why muse you, sir? 'tis dinner-time. VALENTINE       I have dined. SPEED       Ay, but hearken, sir; though the chameleon Love can       feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my       victuals, and would fain have meat. O, be not like       your mistress; be moved, be moved.       Exeunt