[SPOKEN:]
I’ve been in love with this business since I was four years old
So I’d run home from school and put on the four o’clock movie
And they were always movie musicals from the 1930’s
Well, I saw so many of them
Well, I saw all of them, really, every single one of them
But I can’t tell you what any one of them was about
Because somehow all those musicals seem to boil down to this:
Paradise Pictures presents, da da!
A Walter Painter production, da da!
Starring Little Miss Nobody, da da!
Written by Sheldon Keller, da da!
And Ryan Blackburn, da da!
[SUNG:]
Footlight fever [???] spell
Broadway’s where they go, said you give ‘em hell
Once you got it, there’s no way to shake loose
Footlight fever, you’re cooking my F-O-O-T-L-I-T-E
And that spells Broadway in New Orleans
[SPOKEN:]
Well, that’s how those musicals always started
And then, remember, there’s always a little farmgirl
Who had come to the big city to seek her fame and fortune
“Oh, New York, the Big Orange
Just think, twenty-four hours ago
I was back sloppin’ the hogs in Spit Curl, Alabama
And now, here I am on Broadway, fainting from hunger
Oh, if I could only go back there for a sandwich”
[SUNG:]
Gee, I miss you Spit Curl, Alabama
Here in the glamour of all Broadway
Though Mama’s drunk and Daddy’s in the slammer
Each night I clamor for [?]
Someday I’m gonna make it big in showbiz
Like which there’s no biz, no siree
And then I’ll go right back to Spit Curl, Alabama
Where nobody’s waiting for me
I really miss him
Nobody’s waiting for me
[SPOKEN:]
Well, just when all seems lost for Little Miss Nobody
About twenty minutes into the film after my second chocolate milk
A rich Texan always appears
He looks at her and he says
“Howdy, Little Miss Nobody.”
“Boohoo!”
“Well, I’m Waco Wackin’, I’m the world’s richest person
My parents own the English language
Every time somebody talks I get two cents”
“Say,” he says, “I can’t help but notice
That you’re wearin’ tap shoes.”
“Fat, mighty good they do me.”
“Well,” he says, “This may be my lucky day
You see, I’m backin’ a Broadway show that opens in ten minutes
And we don’t have a star
Why, say, I may be crazy
But do you think you can learn an entire show
And fall in love with me in ten minutes?”
“I’ll try.”
So, Little Miss Nobody goes into rehearsal
Five, Six, Seven, Eight!
“Oh, I’m so tired.”
“Again! Do it again!”
“Could I please just have a little drink of water?”
“No! Again, again!”
“I can’t, can’t!”
“Yes, you can!”
“No, I can’t!”
“Yes, you can!”
“No, I can’t, I cannot do it ?”
“Listen, you, you’re goin’ out there on that stage
A Little Miss Nobody, but you’re comin’ back a star!”
[SUNG:]
You do the hokey pokey, and you turn yourself around
And that’s what it’s-
There’s a brand new dance you can do
And you can rely-
Because-
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Because why?
Because why?
It’s a killer diller, mighty big goriller
On the movie screen
Everyone, come on!
Do the king kong, do the king kong
Beat your chest and come on strong
And wiggle your rear like they do in Havana
Do the king kong, do the king kong
Slap your claws like Anna May Wong
Tickle your ear and do the banana
When life don’t treat you great
Just take your favorite mate
To the top of the Empire State
And toss her over, woo!
Do the king kong, do the king kong
Shout, “ooh, ooh!” and you can’t go wrong
Climb up to the stars and then you’ll see
You might just like to mug around with me
[SPOKEN:]
Well, she went on that night
And as only Hollywood would have it
She became a big star!
And, yes, she married her rich Texan
And they went back to Spit Curl, Alabama
And they bought a nice condominium
Her brother put on her tap shoes
And her dress and made it big
Under the name of Ann Miller
Because once you’ve got it, you never lose
[SUNG:]
That footlight fever
That made a believer out of me
Finale! Come on, girls!
The tappin’, the clappin’
Anything could happen on Broadway
If Washington is me
Other Bernadette Peters songs:
all Bernadette Peters songs all songs from 1980