Bernard Cribbins — I Dont Like Your Country Music

[Intro (spoken)] Now here's a little somethin' For all you country lovin' boys and girls out there It's sure to get your cotton pickin' boots a-tappin' Shyeeha! Ha You know, when I was just a little bitty boy My old grandpappy used to sit me high up on his shoulders And jig-a-jig the night away with this little old song And that's how come I got bow legs And a big bum [Chorus] I don't like your country music I'm gonna have to refuse it This goddamn noise is borin' me to tears I get a headache when I hear it I can't stand bein' anywhere near it It's been the goddamn same For years and years [Verse 1] Well, I'll take a banjolin And I'll wipe away your grin I'll bring the goddamn thing down On your head But if that don't do thе trick I'll take your fiddlin' stick And stick the darn thing Somewhеre else instead [Verse 2] With your steel guitar You think you're goin' far But there ain't no distance Far enough from me So, take it 'round the back Of someone else's shack Or I'll break its back Across my goldurn knee [Chorus] I don't like your country music I'm gonna have to refuse it This goddamn noise is borin' me to tears I get a headache when I hear it I can't stand bein' anywhere near it It's been the goddamn same For years and years [Bridge] I need a quiet drink But I can't hear my damn self think For that cotton pickin' banjo's runnin' wild And on the radio All I heard was "do-si-do" Till I kicked the do-si-doin' thing outside Yeeha! And stay out! [Verse 3] There ain't no sleep in bed It's still ringin' in my head This goddamn noise will see me to my grave An' carved upon my stone When I'm finally alone Will be: "A little goddamn peace was all he craved" Oh, it's so nice but it's st— Hey, you guys, don't start again Please! What are ya? Some kinda lunatics? Pack it in! Pack it in, you guys, I told ya! [Chorus] I don't like your country music I'm gonna have to refuse it This goddamn noise is borin' me to tears I get a headache when I hear it I can't stand bein' anywhere near it It's been the goddamn same For years and years [Outro (spoken)] Gimme that banjolin, you I'll show you Hey! Look at that! Look at me! I'm playin' it! I—I got it goin', look at that! I'm really movin' now, man! Woo! It sure do make your fingers warm! Ha! It sure do make 'em look— Hey! Hey, my fingers are smokin'! I got smoky fingers, Dixie! Get some water, boy! I'm on fire! Help! Help!