Bernard Cribbins — The Hole in the Ground

[Verse 1] There I was A-digging this hole A hole in the ground So big and sort of round it was There was I Digging it deep It was flat at at the bottom And the sides were steep When along comes This bloke in a bowler Which he lifted and scratched his head Well, he looked down the hole Poor demented soul And he said "Do you mind if I make a suggestion?" [Chorus] Don't dig there Dig it elsewhere You're digging it round And it ought to be square The shape of it's wrong It's much too long And you can't put a hole Where a hole don't belong [Post-Chorus (spoken)] I ask, what a liberty, eh? Nearly bashed him right in the bowler [Verse 2] Well, there was I Stood in me hole Shovelling earth For all that I was worth I was There was him Standing up there So grand and official With his nose in the air So, I gave him A look sort of sideways And I leaned on My shovel and sighed Well, I lit me a fag And having took a drag I replied: [Chorus] I just couldn't bear To dig it elsewhere I'm digging it round 'Cause I don't want it square And if you disagree It doesn't bother me That's the place where The hole's gonna be [Verse 3] Well, there we were Discussing this hole A hole in the ground So big and sort of round it was It's not there now The ground's all flat And beneath it is the bloke In the bowler hat And that's that