Tenacious D — Comedian at the Oscars

Don LaFontaine (Spoken) It's an honor to introduce a close friend of Ricky Bobby: Will Ferrell! WILL (Sung) A comedian at the Oscars' The saddest man of all Your movies may make millions But your name they'll never call I guess you don't like laughter And a smile brings you down A comedian at the Oscars Is the saddest, bitterest, alcoholic clown (Spoken) Jack Black! JACK Will Ferrell! (Sung) What did you think when You took off your pants And you ran around that racetrack And did that silly dance? What did you think? WILL I thought they'd love me JACK What, did you think that You could change their wicked game? Did you think when you made Anchorman They wouldn't call it lame? What did you think? WILL I thought I'd get to have dinner With Jeremy Irons JACK We may not win tonight But we shall win the ultimate fight (Spoken) And I'm not speaking in a metaphor, I mean literally! I am going to fight the nominees! WILL I like the way you're talking! I'm sick of this crap! JACK Hey! Leo! You think you can date supermodels and win awards? I'm going to elbow you in the Larynx! WILL Ryan Gosling, you're all hip and now. Well I'm going to break your hip, right now! JACK Hey, Peter O'Toole! You're all legendary in English, I don't care. I'm going to beat you down with my Nickelodeon Award! WILL Mark Wahlberg! Where are you!? I won't mess with you, you're actually kind of badass. (Beat) Once again, I hope we're cool. You are very talented JACK And Helen Mirren? You are just hot. What party are you going to? JOHN Fellas! Fellas! WILL Jack Black! Look, John C. Reilly! JOHN (Sung) This madness must stop There is no need to fear You can have your cake and eat it, too Just look at my career I didn't cry the blues I didn't pick silly fights I chose to be in Boogie and Talladega Nights! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! So, don't just be clowns 'Cause then you're disposed Mix it up and Oscars Shall! Be! Yours! JACK (Spoken) He's right. I'm going to re-read that script about the guy who gets lead poisoning, and sues a major corporation. There's not a laugh in there! JOHN Yes! WILL And I'm going to take that project about the guy with no arms and legs who teaches gang-bangers Hamlet! JOHN Now you're talking! WILL (Sung) I'm going to lose 40 pounds To play Ralph Nader JACK I'm going to do that gig of mine And film with James Spader WILL (Spoken) Oh, I love him! ALL (Sung) So, Anthony Hopkins, you can laugh But someday soon, you'll see Helen Mirren and an Oscar Will be coming home with me! With me! Helen Mirren will be coming home with me!