Rudy Ray Moore — Dolemite

[Verse] Some folks say that Willie Greene Was the baddest motherfucker the world ever seen But I want you to light up a joint, take a real good shit And screw your wig on tight And let me tell you about the Little bad motherfucker called Dolemite Now Dolemite was from San Antone, a ramblin', scamblin’ Gamblin' little young motherfucker from the day he was born Well the day he was dropped from his mammy's ass He slapped his pappy’s face and said “From now on cock sucker, I'm running this place” At the age of one, he was drinking whiskey and gin At the age of two, he was eating the bottles it came in Now Dolemite had an uncle called Sudden Death Killed a dozen bad men from the smell of his breath When his unc' heard young how Dolemite Was treating his own ma' and pa', he said “Let me go and check this lil' bad rascal before he go too far" Now one cold, dark, December night His uncle broke in on Dolemite Now Dolemite wasn't no more than three or four When his uncle come breakin' through the door His unc’ said, "Dolemite,” said “I want you to straighten up and treat your brother right ’cause if you keep on with your dirty mistreating I'm going to whoop your ass til your hearts stop beatin’” Dolemite sitting in the middle of the floor playing He said “I see your lips quiver, unc' But I don't hear a cock sucking word you're saying.” This made his uncle mad, he let off With a right that made lightening flash But Dolemite tore his leg off, he was that damn fast Now all the men in San Antone gathered around that night To see if they could do something About the little bad rascal called Dolemite It took 100 of the baddest, the boldest, the ugliest men in town Finally rolled Dolemite’s ass down and put him in jail They held him without bail If you think his mammy was happy You should've seen his pappy Now it's been eight long years since Dolemite's been fed The average motherfucker would've long, long been dead Now the warden called Dolemite, he said “Dolemite, I'm going to tell you what we're going to do we are going to give you a dollar and a half and a damn good meal, if you promise to leave us alone and get your bad ass out of San Antone" Dolemite took the dollar and a half and the damn good meal And said, "I'm going to tell you old, jive, molded, ancient decrepit, motherfuckers how I feel” He said, “y'all can suck my dick, nuts and ass Down to the mother fucking bone Because I ain't never coming back to San Antone” Now Dolemite wasn't no more than thirteen When they let him out the gate, he said “I think I'll go across sea and try my fate.” He got a job in Africa kicking lions In the ass to spare him change He got ran out of South America for fucking steers He fucked the she-elephant until she broke down in tears Now Dolemite worked for five years and a day Got his pay, said, “Well, I believe, I'll go back To that jive ass USA.” Where the news of the heavyweight Fight was being broadcasted that night And a special bulletin said “Look out storms, atomic bombs, and Dolemite." Now the first thing Dolemite encountered Was two big rocky mountains He said, "Mountains, what y'all going to do?” They said, “We're going to part, Mr. Dolemite And let your bad ass through.” Now Dolemite went on down to Kansas City Kicking asses until those shoes are shitty Hoboed in the the Chi, who did he run into But that bad ass two gun Pete. He said, “Move over and let me pass 'fore they have to pull these triple A's out your mother fucking ass.” Went on down to 42nd street Not for no shit, but some place he could sleep and eat Run into that Chi Mabel, of all the ho's she was a boss She would suck you, fuck you, and jack you off She said, “Come on down to my pad, Dolemite.” Said, “We're going to fuck and fight 'til broad day light.” Dolemite said, “Bitch, I had a job in Africa kicking lions in the ass to stay in shape” Said, “I got run out of South America for fucking steers.” Said “I would fuck the she-elephant until she broke down in tears.” Mable said “I don't care where you goin' and where you been” Said “I'm laying to wrap this good hot juicy pussy all around your bad ass chin” Dolemite, said “Bitch. It's best you not fuck with me” Said, “I better run you down some of my pedigree” Said “I've swam across sweaty river's and aint never got wet Mountains have fell on me, and I aint dead yet I fucked an elephant and deaded her mother I can look up a bull's ass and tell you the price of butter I've fucked another elephant down to a coon tven fucked the same damn cow that jumped over the mother fucking moon” Said “I rode across the ocean on the head of my dick and ate nine tons of cat shit and never got sick and you talk about wrapping your good, hot, pussy all around my bad ass chin? Bitch, you ought to be blowing up my ass trying to be my be my mother fucking friend“ Oh but Mabel farted, that's when the fucking started She made her pussy do the mojo, the popcorn, the turkey, And the grind, left Dolemite's ass nine strokes behind She threw pussy up Dolemite's back, come out of his ear Down his side, running out of his pocket Damn near put his asshole out of socket But Dolemite suddenly made a mojo turn Had the crabs around that bitch's asshole Hollering, "Burn, baby, burn.” But the next morning they found Mabel dead With her drawers wrapped around her nappy ass head And the crabs were madder than a motherfucker To see Dolemite beat them out of their god damned supper But Dolemite kept kicking asses and fucking up in the fall 'Til finally his roll was called They had his funeral, carried him down to the graveyard Dolemite was dead, but his dick was still hard. The preacher said, “ashes to ashes, and dust to dust,” Said “I'm glad this little bad mother fucker Called Dolemite is no longer here with us." Bye!