Rudy Ray Moore — Not Too Long Not Too Hard

[Intro] (Oh shit) And now ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the body [Verse] Great day in the morning an' she sho' Know what to say, the body You know girls I look like Atlas with no clothes on Can you dig it? Hoo! My, my, my, my Woman cross your legs Good God o'mighty That chick sitting over there in that Green is built like a big shit house Hoo! You know I’d sho' like to get in your pants (Why?) ‘Cause I done shit in mine I’m not lying You know I ask a young lady the other night in a night club I said, “Young lady. Do you have a cherry?” She said, “Hell yes. I got a cherry But it’s been pushed back so damn far you can use it for a tail light” Yeah, in this same club, let me tell you what happened It is a fellow went in the lady’s restroom by mistake So he went in there and he pulled it out He was shaking it like that And all at once a lady come in and saw him She said, “Ahh, ahh, ahh!" Said "This is for ladies! This is for ladies!” He said, “What the hell you think this is for?” I wouldn’t lie to you baby A friend of mine let his wife go out the other night He said, “Baby” said “I want you to go down there and watch that Rudy Ray Moore tell all them lil ol' dirty stories" Said "But I want you back in this house by two o'clock in the morning” Sho' nuff, she went out, she stayed out all night long Daddy was sitting up with the little boy and he didn’t ask momma no questions When she walked through the door He knocked her down She started hollering, “Aww, daddy" Said "Oh, please", said "Don’t hit me no more!” Said “I was only out trucking daddy” Little boy said daddy knocked momma down three mo' times ‘Cause you know damn well she can talk plainer than that I wouldn’t lie baby. I thought… you know, I like to talk About things that once happened to me In the course of a lifetime There’s a lot things that really happened Now, you take, um I went to school, all the way through school Right out the front door to the back That’s right We got a little girl in class She could spell everything Teacher said, “Sally Today" said "For your spelling lesson I want you to spell Peter” Sally said, “Teacher I can’t spell them old long hard words like Peter, but I’ll try” She say, “P-P-P” Teacher said "Sit down gal You gone stand up here and piss all day" We had a little girl in the class, Maryann She was the smartest baby She said, “Teacher, teacher, teacher, I can spell it P-E-T-E-R, Peter, Peter, Peter They don’t come to hard and long for me baby” I wouldn’t lie baby